A Badger’s Decision

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Okay so my anxiety has gotten worse so much so that I had to leave and go home on Friday of last week because I just could not focus on anything. I had to explain the feeling to my boss because he has never had the feeling before. We broke it down to having approx 10 coffees in a short amount of time.  

 

I have put it down to my medication as I had been given a generic form of my medication and it was making me wired. I went to get my normal medication but my chemist had stopped getting it and had only the one that using and another that was way more expensive. I am still taking the medication but I am making sure that I eat before taking it as the anxiety isn’t as bad if I eat first.

Since it has been two weeks since my birthday I have come to the conclusion that it probably wasn’t that entirely that is the source of my current lapse. I am thinking that is the decisions that I have made that might be a contributing factor. That being my decision to move in with my bf, sister and her bf and also to return to study. I have a real bad habit of making decisions on the spur of the moment and they figuring out the consequences later on. That last time this happened I had got together with my bf, decided to study and also agreed to go overseas. Two out of three were good decisions the third one I never finished.

Another decision I made was to get back into Harry Potter written role play. I have been wanting to for a while it was just trying to find the right site and I think I found it though it is not exactly what I was looking for. I have only played in and around the Voldemort/Harry timeline and up to 10-20 years after the books were set and also in a PG kind of atmosphere. This time around is set in 2053 and it definitely a Adults website so much so that they have included a comfortability form to complete.

The staff and members are really friendly and I joined using the son of a character that I have had for a while. The good thing with this site is that they don’t mind you having multiple characters and to a certain extent they even encourage it so in the future I might bring in other characters that I have created. I just have to work on how they fit into the story being played out.

The site is called The Next Incantation and if you have any interest in role play I would love to see you there I am playing a character called Mack Wilde there.

The other thing that I have done recently is get back into Anime. Because of my DC binge I had stopped watching anime altogether but started up again over the weekend. I decided to re-watch Fairy Tail starting with the Phantom Lord arc and am currently on the Oración Seis arc. Though I love this show and love Erza and Jellal as a couple for some reason I don’t enjoy the arc’s where Jellal is prominent like this one and the previous Tower of Heaven Arc. Maybe it is because I don’t like seeing Erza vulnerable or her past and Jellal always brings that out in her.

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Song of the Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Badger’s Oscar

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So I had a significant birthday and though I was alright with turning this particular age earlier in the year. The week or so before the big day I had major anxiety so much so that I had to go on leave earlier than planned. I was going to go on leave the Friday before my birthday and I ended up going two days earlier.

 

This week is my first week back and though my anxiety was present during my time off it has flared up mightily. Maybe because of decisions made during leave like going and doing some extra study and trying to find a place to rent with my bf, sister and her bf. Yes, I know this is a little on the crazy side and both my bf and I realise this but it is the only way that we are going to be able to afford to move in together and my step-father has been getting a little more verbally abusive towards me of late and it can’t be good for my mental health.

 

The problem is my sister is getting rather demanding. She has given specifications on where we have to live and she is not really taking in consideration anyone else’s need but her own. It has to be in one particular suburb so she can be closer to her kids. I understand that but her other housemates will have requirements as well. I need to have public transport close by and her bf will need a big enough garage or shed to work out of. Luckily my bf is quite easy but then he is probably going to have the biggest issue with living with her especially if she goes off the rails.

 

I went away with the bf over the weekend and though the trip was good I now am feeling majorly tired. I am a reasonably good sleeper so much so that I can fall asleep in most places and though I can fall asleep it is not guaranteed that I will stay asleep or sleep well. The place that we stayed at I did not sleep well especially the second night. I kept on dreaming of my return to work and every time I had a major headache and I could feel the pain of the headache while I was asleep. I also didn’t sleep well the night before going to work. That I think was anxiety.

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So despite my anxiety in relation to the birthday it was a really good day and I got some really good gifts and had a really good party. My Aunt, Uncle and Grandmother came up from Melbourne and despite a friend of the family getting drunk, which is no surprise because she is an alcoholic and our boarder trying to get me drunk I was a good night with good food and good people.

 

My best gift is the one I got from my boyfriend is the statuette form of the Joker/Harley Cover and I call it my Oscar because of the shape and feel and maybe even the size.

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Song Of The Day

Badger Vs Superman

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So I haven’t really completed my binge of DC. I am naturally still reading various DC titles in the comics mainly the Rebirth titles but I am also reading the New 52 Justice League Dark and I have the Grayson books as well. I went and saw Suicide Squad which I did a review for and I also got a Harley inspired tattoo. I finished Justice League Unlimited and am have started to watch Batman Beyond season 2 and also Superman the animated series as well.

I think I might have mentioned it somewhere is a previous post that I have a bit of an issue with Superman which is kinda funny because the other superhero that I have I an issue with also starts with an S and ends with a man. I mean I don’t have this issue with Supergirl at all and there is little difference between the two, power wise. With this watch of the animated series I am trying to find at the very least an affection for the character.

Maybe a little history of my interactions with the Man of Steel. I do remember seeing the Christopher Reeve movies when I was younger and they were alright. The next time he popped up on my radar was the Adventures of Lois and Clark and I remember watching the show and looking forward to it to an extent but that was more because Dean Cain is/was really good looking and I was a teenage girl who had a bit of a crush. I never watched Smallville but my boyfriend keeps on urging  me to watch it as he is a big fan of the show. I never saw the Brandan Routh Superman movie.

I have seen all the DC cartoon movies that he has appeared in as well as Young Justice, Justice League Unlimited and that completely horrible Superman/Shazam: Return of Black Adam short. I have also seen Man of Steel which I don’t have any issues with on its own as many people do. But as I still have no affection for him at all.

It can’t be his powers or background/story because as I said earlier that Supergirl has the same powers and comes from a similar situation as him. Or should say that I can’t use it as an excuse because I do have a little bit of an issue with the powers thing but for some reason it doesn’t bother me so much with her as it does with him. Maybe the little feminist is coming out of me. I mean if you think about men are already faster and stronger than women so on that score all the yellow sun did was make him more stronger and faster than the average man. But he can fly, shoot heat beams out of his eyes, blow super cold air and see through walls that aren’t lined with lead. If he wasn’t raised by Jonathon and Martha Kent he might of ended up a pervert with super powers. He could have ended up the alien that ripped off the roof of the White House.

Maybe it is his personality a bit as to me as Clark Kent he is not that interesting and even the Superman persona is a little  boring for my liking. He is not gritty enough I think and that is why I have a preference for Batman and even Bruce Wayne is quite an interesting person. Personality wise I don’t have the same issue with Supergirl but then I really only know her from the TV show and little from Justice League Unlimited but I am going off the TV version more because I like that version more because of the goofy/geeky girl is probably more like me and she reminds me of Grant Gustin’s Barry Allen/The Flash and that is probably my favourite show at the moment. I have to admit though their costuming/secret identity is a bit weak as well. It surprises me that no-one worked it out sooner.

I know he is a hero and a super one at that but the fact that he tends to drop everything to save Lois Lane is a little annoying and kind of angers me. Lois is a strong, smart, stubborn and capable woman and I know that she tends to get herself into more trouble than most women do because of these qualities but I would also like to think that because of these qualities she could probably find a way out of the situations she gets into, unless it involves falling from ten or more story buildings without a parachute. I mean she probably did before Superman showed up in Metropolis but he does not really give the opportunity too and just swoops in to save her.  He has a saving people complex like Harry Potter (see I worked him in) but only for Lois Lane.

My comic knowledge of him is only really through the Rebirth titles and he is not coming across very interesting in any form at the moment. The New Superman, the one set in China, from the get go I didn’t really like because he comes across as a bit of an arrogant bully with a chip on his shoulder and the regular Superman in Superman and Action Comics is just too confusing.

Maybe if I keep plugging on he might just become interesting.

Song Of The Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hufflepup

Hufflepup

My DC binge has come to an end, sort of. I am still reading the comics but I have finished the animated series now and Animelab has finally released the last of the dubbed Fairy Tail so I am watching that instead, maybe twice depending on when I next see my niece who likes to watch the show as well. I also getting an urge to binge Glee but I blame my iPod for that. My anxiety is still playing up but I am doing PT sessions through work and am hoping that they will help with that.

The topic for this post is actually my dog which I mentioned in my first post. She is a Ruby Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Lady Ariel but she has tons of nicknames which I will go through later. My mother named her as my mother has a thing for naming our pets after Disney characters so she became Lady after the Cocker Spaniel from Lady and the Tramp and Ariel after the Little Mermaid. My mother owns a Ruby Dachshund named Winni-Pooh Schnitzel.

I bought Lady, though I was not there to pick her up. She was born in Gatton in December of 2012 but she and her litter brothers and sisters were moved to Gailes in late January due to flood waters due to Tropical Cyclone Oswald. I was in Bundaberg at the time helping with Community Recovery due to the same Cyclone. It had been a pretty bad day and the news of her purchase definitely brightened my day.

She was the biggest of the litter and is larger than most Cavies that we know of. We actually joke that she is a mutant. She is kindest natured and sweetest dog that we have ever owned. She is not a barker so is not a good guard dog. Actually we tend to think that if we ever get robbed she would probably let them and wants pats from them. We have Winni and my sister’s dog, Steve (yes, that is his name) for guard duty anyway.

She loves a good scratch and rub but it has to be when she wants it and she thinks she is royalty. I truly believe that she understands what we say and I have regular conversations with her. She is not much of an outdoors dog but loves a good walk and/or car ride. She hates other animals, other than the ones she knows and tolerates those that visit the house.

She loves food and especially a good bone. I believe that if she was human she would either be a chef or a food critic. She enjoys sleeping and snores like a trooper. Actually Snorlax (after the Pokemon) is actually one of her nicknames. Others are Ladybug, Buggy, Chewy (after Chewbacca because of her fur), Donatella, Princess (she loves bling of any kind) and lately I have been calling her Chook or Chooky but I have been calling all my nieces, nephews and dogs that lately and of course Hufflepup.

I am not just saying that either because I am a Hufflepuff. There is a sorting quiz available that lets you sort your pets. I actually sorted all three dogs and they all came up in different houses and all three houses actually suit them according to the description given. Lady is a Hufflepuff, Winni is a Gryffindor and Steve is a Slytherin.

http://www.hypable.com/hogwarts-house-pet-quiz/ 

She absolutely hates the heat and that is the reason why we have to get her groomed. She actually has two cooling mats to lie on when the weather heats up. She is strange in that likes having baths and going to the vet. She has made several trips to the vet. She has have her declaws removed and she dislocated her knee and had to have an operation to fix it. Luckily she is insured and so is Winni, who hates the vet and is not fond of baths.  She occasionally watches television and she is a DC fan like me but is more of a Superman fan than I am.

In my opinion there is not better dog than my Lady and I wouldn’t change her for the world.

SuperLady                          Festive Lady                    Lady and Winni

Song of the Day 

 

 

 

Unsettled Badger

 

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So my anxiety has flared up again in a big bad way over the last week or so.

Maybe it is the weather, it has been cold even for winter in Queensland, which is usually mild.

Maybe my luck wore out and the medication is no longer working.

Maybe it is change, and this is the one I am leaning towards.

I have moved positions at work. I am still pretty much doing the same job with a few extras thrown in but I have physically moved desks and maybe it is that change that has unsettled me. I am answering and working with different people now and maybe I got a little complacent where I was. I am happy about one thing about it though. There was one person in the team I used to work for that was really starting to get on my nerves, actually he gets on everyone in the teams nerves, and I could feel a blow up coming and I am glad I won’t be around to see it or participate in it. I don’t like confrontation after all.

I woke up this morning with another panic attack and of course this had unsettled me even more today. I just can’t seem to calm down and my mind is constantly buzzing and I am twitchy. I joked with my step father a couple of weeks ago that the medication helps me from jumping out the window of my building and today the medication isn’t working and kind of feel that way, I am not suicidal or anything it is just the twitchiness.

Yesterday was my sister-in-law’s 40th birthday and she was not looking forward to it. Mine is next month and I said that I didn’t care but maybe I do care a bit more than I say I do. I just feel that I should be somewhere else in my life instead of where I am but I think there are a lot of people that are that way. I am not going to blame anyone else for the choices that I made however and I going to keep on being the young almost 40 year old that I am.

We are throwing a high tea for her on Saturday afternoon which I have a lot of baking to do for it. I am going to try to make it as gluten-free as possible for her as she tries to eat that way anyway despite not being celiac or gluten intolerant though her son, my nephew, is.

I am still on my DC binge though it exclusively Batman: The Animated Series, I am almost finished season 2. I have finished reading all of Lev Grossman’s Magician books and am now onto Ransom Riggs Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. Queensland won the State of Origin two games to one.

Song of the Day  

Badger On A DC Binge

I guess it is not a binge in the traditional sense but whenever I have time these days I am usually reading or watching something DC related. The only times that I have not done this have been when I decided to rewatch what I have of the Magicians (see my review of the show so far) and when I went over to the “dark side” and watched Deadpool with my bf and also read one of the comics. To be honest I didn’t find the comic all that smart or funny like many people have said they are and to me he just came off as insane.

Well any who back to my binge.

I think what has started this binge is the most recent DC reboot which is being called Rebirth. First off I am not the biggest comic book reader and though I do own a few selected titles (Flashpoint Paradox and a few of the Kevin Smith titles) I had never read a whole arc, if we can call it that, from start to finish.  I have read everything within in the Rebirth titles and especially enjoyed The Flash titles, Titans, Aquaman and Green Arrow.

This had bled out a little and I am now reading the Darkest Night titles, a Nightwing title and Cyborg because there is just something about Cyborg that I like. I have also finished reading Killing Joke because of the movie being release in August.

On the video side of things I have watched the following:

  • The first season of Young Justice
  • Half way through the Justice League Unlimited
  • Working my way through the Batman: Brave and the Bold and Green Lantern the animated series
  • Green Lantern: First Flight (animated movie)
  • Green Lantern: Emerald Nights (animated movie)
  • Wonder Woman (animated movie)
  • Batman: Under the Red Hood (animated movie)
  • Justice League: Throne of Atlantis (animated movie)
  • Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox (animated movie)
  • Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (animated movie)
  • JLA: Trapped in Time (animated movie)
  • Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (animated movie)
  • Superman/Shazam: The Return of Black Adam (animated movie)

I also started to watch The Dark Night Returns (animated movie) last night but my internet dropped and I couldn’t get it back so I am hoping to finish watching it tonight. As you can see I have not watched any live action but I do own all of Chris Nolan movies and I am planning on buying a digital version of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice tonight.

Song Of The Day

 

Kinda appropriate, hey

Traumatic Badger

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I have already spoken about my accident in another post and I got another doctor’s opinion in regards to it and his diagnosis was the same as my regular doc so pretty much I have to live with having a constant headache and accompanying neck pain. He did though recommend that I get my thyroid checked and have a sleep test done because I am also constantly tired though I sleeping well. He also suggested that I suffered from or am still suffering from PTSD due to the accident.

I never once thought this but now that he outlined it is probably correct. I still get nervous when a car I am in and I am a front seat passenger speeds up or when they go through a yellow light, especially when they had time to stop. I don’t like having trucks or bigger cars close beside me either. None of these were a contribution to my accident but my anxiety levels rise in these occasions.

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It is that time of year again, it is State of Origin time and as I mentioned in a previous post I no longer watch the spectacle that is Mate vs Mate, State vs State. I used to love it look forward to it and my stop watching it has nothing to do with the fact that the team that I go for, The NSW Blues, have only won the series once in the last 10 years. My not watching any longer has to with an ex-boyfriend and one of the best players for the Queensland Maroons, Jonathan Thurston.  

Straight off the bat my ex was a drinker with a temper and was extremely jealous. There was nothing he liked better than starting a fight and he openly boasted about the fights that he had been in. His drink of choice was rum and rum and a temper and jealousy do no mix well at all. I had gone over to his house to watch the game which is on a Wednesday night and was naturally going to stay the night there as he lived on the other side of town. His roommate, his girlfriend and another friend were also there.

My ex spent most of the game in the backyard drinking with the friend and his roommate, the girlfriend and I watched the game. They would pop in every now and again to check the score or when something exciting happened. Every time he would pop in he would take pot shots at Jonathan Thurston because he was getting a lot of attention in the media at the time, and he still is to a certain extent, mainly because he is a great player and is pretty consistent. He had not watched the game and I was getting annoyed with him because of the remarks he was making so despite going for the opposition I defended him.

Stupid, Stupid Badger

My defence of this Queenslander and the fact that I had seen him at the airport once when I had gone to Sydney for a Harry Potter release party and had mentioned it to him when I got off the plane had my ex putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 1000. He claimed that I was in love with him. I was of course not, I was actually not in the least attracted to him in any shape or form and I think at the time said he looked like a monkey (I did not mean that in a racist manner at all).

He kept taking his pot shots at me and Jonathan Thurston and I kept on defending him with some assistance from the roommate and the gf. When the game finished, the Blues won btw, I went to bed. The ex followed and continued to take pot shots and called me a liar. I got angrier and angrier and threatened to punch him, he goaded me and I did end up punching him in the face. Unfortunately I had a silver with blue topaz ring on which had sharp corners, when I connected the ring scratched him and he got angrier and started beating my head against the headboard.

It was too late to go home that night and he took me to the bus stop the next morning for work and as I had training that day and I promised him that I would go over to his place the next day which was Friday for the weekend. I was a wreck and on Friday morning he kept calling me and calling me and eventually a colleague of my took me aside into one of the conference rooms. I told her what happened and she called in the boss they took photos of the bruises with my phone and sent me home. I broke my promise, which he didn’t like cause I don’t like breaking promises and he knew that, I considered my situation and how our relationship had been. Hell, even his sister-in-law had offered to assist in getting me away from him at once stage. On Monday I called him and broke it off. I did not ever want to put myself in the that position again over something as stupid as a football player.

 

So I know how a new tradition at Origin time I watch anime and not just any anime my favourite anime of all time.   Cowboy Bebop

 

 

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Song of the Day

 

Dreaming Badger

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I mentioned in a previous post that I have been having very vivid dreams. This has continued and though I am not much into dream interpretation, though admittedly I was at one stage during my more hippy/enlightened stage in my late teens early twenties. During this era I dabbled in card reading and such and still pull them out every now and again, though I might go into that at a later date.

Back to the dreams, I still wonder if they have anything to do with the change in medication or my general levels of anxiety. I might have to ask about that the next time I see my doctor or my psychologist. I still don’t remember them fully but I do remember them in one way or another and I will describe two that I have recently that I have placed into categories because I generally have a form of one or the other at least once a week. They are the wedding dream or the sexy dream.

The wedding dream usually has myself getting married and I am also running late with preparations for it. It is rare that I see the person that I am marrying but on a couple of occasions it has been my current partner. In the most recent one I was getting married in the next couple of days but I did not have dress picked out for myself or my attendants. I don’t know why but there was ram shackled house that nobody was living in near where I was living that me and my family would go and look for stuff under the house. I have no idea why we would do this.

On this particular day it was raining and we had no shoes on and me and my family were going down to the house to look under it again despite the fact that I was getting married and still did not have a dress. My 8 year old niece, who was in the wedding party and also did not have a dress, was particularly looking forward to going under the house. We get there and a family is in the house. They were European, maybe German, and we told them what we were doing there and the fact that I was getting married and they offered assistance in that. After that we went looking for dresses and I woke up.

Now the sexy dream happened Sunday night. I was going on some kind of trip with people that were familiar but I am not sure if I actually do know. It was kind of redo of school trip that they had done and were redoing with me tagging along. The trip was to Europe and has some kind of connection to a book/movie series that we were all fans of. The plane was large and roomy and the food was fancy and I was given a meal that was not meant for me. We landed in France first and for some reason I started acting like a coquette with the guys and speaking in a French accent. In Germany I was a little more dominate with the men, which they enjoyed and speaking with a German accent. This went on through each country.

Well that is all for now.

Song Of The Day

 

Badger Socks

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This entry maybe a little strange due to my Dumbledore choice of topic:

Socks

Now there is one thing that I can guarantee which is that at this time of year in my household it almost impossible to find a pair of socks, well for the girls of the household anyway. I buy approximately 20 pairs a socks a year and at the end of winter I will have no socks what so ever.

My boyfriend has already bought me four pairs of socks and I have worn socks twice since I got them. Do I have any socks in my sock draw at the moment? No, of course I don’t because that would be just be ridiculous. I am sure socks are getting washed and put back in my room and them I put them away and then they disappear again.

Now you see my sister, my mother, my niece and I all have around the same size feet and in general it is just too hard for my sister to think to buy something as simple as socks when there are drugs and cigarettes to buy which is of course way more important than keeping your feet warm. Not sure about my mother as I am sure she buys socks but on the odd occasion she will borrow a pair of mine and asks to do so, unlike my sister who never asks for anything and just takes. My niece I only see for a weekend every fortnight and tends to forget about bringing socks with her. She asks to borrow socks off me however and she was also bought socks by my bf recently.

So after work today I am off to buy some socks and hopefully the evil sock monster that lives somewhere in my house will decide that they don’t need any more socks and leave mine alone.

 

Song Of Day

 

Badger Sense Is Tingling

For a proclaimed DC girl I seem to write more about Marvel then I do anything regarding Batman, Superman and any other characters from the DCU and here’s another one.

I went and saw Captain America: Civil War over the weekend. This is not a review post which will be happening on my review blog.

I went to see this movie with my niece and my mother who was admittedly a ring in because my BF pulled out the morning of and I had already booked the tickets. This is this third time my BF has done this to me. I first offered the tix to both my brothers but they both had commitments.

On the way home my niece, who is 14 turning 15, asked us who we liked best. My mother said Iron Man because she likes Robert Downey Jr. I, on the other hand, could not answer the question. I do like Robert Downey Jr as well and I have nothing against any of the actors playing the characters and that is the rub. I am rather ambivalent to the MCU.

I will give a bit of an example I was watching the first episode of the new season of Game of Thrones with my BF and this is going to be a bit of spoiler if you watch Game of Thrones and haven’t seen the first ep. At one point in the episode Sansa and Theon are escaping from Ramsay Bolton and Winterfell and come across an abandoned hut. Riders from Winterfell catch up and Theon tries to tell them that Sansa is not with him and had died along the way. The riders don’t believe Theon and attack and find Sansa when Brienne of Tarth and Podrick arrive and battle the riders. When Brienne showed up I got really excited despite the fact that I kind of knew that she would.

The point being is that I have never once gotten excited for a Marvel movie, well maybe a little for the Avengers, and I have never felt any great like for any of the characters as well, like I do for Batman, Flash, Supergirl, Wonder Woman and strangely Cyborg. Sure I enjoy them as a whole but I don’t get emotional about the relationship of Cap and Bucky like some fans do. I didn’t go crazy with the first sighting of Spiderman in the trailer.

Speaking of Spider-Man I thought that I would try to elaborate on my dislike of the character. I really don’t know why I don’t like him. I never read the comics and we never really got the cartoons here and if we did I never watched them, well I don’t recall watching them. I do remember watching the X-Men cartoons however. I just think that getting bit by a radio-active spider at a science exhibit is a little stupid. I never watched the Toby McGuire movies and only saw the end of the first Andrew Garfield one. I have since tried to watch one of the cartoon series and couldn’t get through the first episode but then I don’t really think much of the Marvel cartoons except maybe the X-Men ones which I really like.

Despite my issues with him I will say that I did enjoy him in this movie, maybe because they actually got an actor close to the characters actual age and his interaction with Iron Man was really good.

Song of the Day