Badger, All Over The Place

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So the Eagle did something stupid this morning as I was leaving for work. He told me, a person who he knows has anxiety issues and is prone to stressing un-necessarily, not to stress. This of course has set me off after a week where my anxiety has already been off the charts. He wants to talk to me about something and I know what it is but I am not supposed to stress about it anyway. Stupid Eagle of course I am going to stress and work myself up over it because that is what I do. My depression has also kicked in. I just need a severe headache/migraine to decide to join in to make the Un-Holy trinity that is the Badger at her worse.

My diet is also a little off the wagon at the moment and I am blaming the weather. It has been raining most of the week and we are set to have another system come through over the weekend. It is quite unusual at this time of year. I have to get back on it and especially give up the coffee again as I think that is one of the reason’s my anxiety has rearing its head this week.

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I am a little late, three weeks or so, but we have had our football codes grand finals and we had one true fairy tale and one not so much but could have been. Congratulations to the Richmond Tigers who beat the Adelaide Crows for the AFL premiership. Either way it was going to be emotional for both teams. I was more rooting for the Crows due to the fact that my boss is s Crows fan and they have a rough year last year. Richmond, on the other hand, had not won a premiership in 37 years.

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Now with the Rugby League the talking point before the game was more out the pre-game entertainment while this year was Macklemore. I am not a rap/hip hop fan per say but I do like Macklemore quite a bit. The reason why this is a talking point is at the moment we are having a postal vote on whether or not gay marriage should become legal. Macklemore, a supporter of gay marriage, has a song called Same Love and chose to perform it as part of his show. Those opposed didn’t think a Grand Final should be a place to push for agenda at. He sung the song and it was wonderful, his whole performance was wonderful and he truly looked like he was enjoying himself.

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Well back to actual game. This one was between the premiership favourites the Melbourne Storm and the underdogs (no truer words) North Queensland Cowboys. The Cowboys had only just scraped into the finals series as teams that should have won lost. They were missing there star player in Jonathan Thurston who had been out most of the season due to first a calf injury and then a shoulder one. It was very unlikely that the Cowboys were going to win but after four minutes it seemed even less likely as Prop Shaun Fensom broke his leg which meant they were down a player for the rest of the game. Melbourne won easily 34-6. It was a good send off for the star-halfback Cooper Cronk who was leaving the club at the end of the game. He will either retire or join another club in Sydney.

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Wedding preparations have been a little on the quiet side as I have other things on my mind. I have been focused a little on the music side of things and in particular the music at the ceremony.

I had decided that I wanted to walk down to the isle to a song written/performed by an Australian singer/band. It is just trying to find the right one that I am having trouble with.

I keep coming back to INXS’s Never Tear Us Apart, as the Eagle loves INXS and it is a great song, but if go with that one then I want to find an acoustic version of it and by INXS themselves and not a cover. I then flick between trying to find something by Angus and Julia Stone, Kate Miller-Heidke, Sia, Katie Noonan or Bernard Fanning. I then went in another direction and checked out The Temper Traps Sweet Disposition as a lot of people have said that is a good song to use. It just doesn’t suit what I am going for, though to be honest I don’t know what I am going for. I think of Birds of Tokyo and in particular Lanterns but think that is probably more of a recessional song than a processional. I go something truly sappy like Savage Gardens Truly, Madly Deeply, Guy Sebastian’s Angels Brought Me Here or go a little retro with Angry Anderson’s Suddenly.

I am probably overthinking it but that is the Virgo in me and it will probably get worse as it gets closer. If you have any ideas let me know because I would really like some input.

Song Of The Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Badger’s Idea

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I have mentioned before that I like to do written roleplay and in particular Harry Potter roleplay. I was a member of a site for a many years that I eventually was a mod on before it was shut down and I have been in and out sites since even running my own for a while. I was a member of site at the end of last year beginning of this but sort of lost interest mainly because I believed that the site didn’t have balance, this I believe is my anxiety speaking, and since then I have done numerous searches for a new site to play on and have found that most sites have the same issue or there is an element in the plot that I don’t like or think is feasible even though in most cases it is an AU site.

They all seem to be weighted towards the dark side of the force, to borrow a Star Wars phrase, and it bothers me greatly. Look, I see the allure in playing the dark-wizard but if you give the them an extra power or just power all together you have to give the opposition an opposing power or something they can use to fight back. You can’t just have a site full of Death Eaters and no Order or Order like group to fight back with. It’s no fun trying to play a hero or just a neutral character when the scale is in heavily in favour of the dark or dark sympathetic, especially when you feel like you have to be secretive all the time.

So I have been trying to think of a plotline that I can start my own site with and I think I have it but I really need feedback on it and also assistance. I was trying to find a website when I can voice such a thing but had no luck and had put something up in OOC section of one of the sites that I am a member of but I have had no responses so I thought that I might put it up here and see if I get a nibble.

 

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The missing 20.

 

It is a little known tale that came from the second war. One month after the death of Albus Dumbledore 20 persons with magic in their blood disappeared. Differing in age, from the age of 15 and up, blood-status, and sex vanished without a trace within a span of a day. All disappearances were reported to the Ministry but with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his Death Eaters on the verge of taking of the Ministry of Magic the missing were soon forgotten and were assumed either dead or had left the country.

 

June 2017, 20 years later the 20 reappear. 10 appear in Glastonbury the other 10 in Seven Dials, London. They all appear to have not aged but are aware that they have.

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Now it is a work in progress as I want there to be a reason for their disappearance, but maybe that can be a part of the plot, and I also want them to have obtained something while they were away though I don’t necessarily want it to be the same thing though whatever it will be will either fall on the dark or light side. Where they arrived will define what side of the line are aligned with as I see Glastonbury as the light and Seven Dials as the dark though I guess this could change if a different location suits better.

So if there are any role players out there and think this a good idea and would like to assist I will be mighty grateful.

 

Song Of The Day

 

Badger’s Big News

So the bf is no longer the bf any longer he is now the fiancé. Being the un-romantic kind he took me and one of my nieces to a local mall told me I had a budget and to choose a ring. I found one, he bought it and I am now an engaged badger. 


 

So I guess you can say that I have added a little more anxiety to the picture as I know have a wedding to arrange though when that will be I have no idea. If I had the money I would want as soon as possible but money is going to be the problem. I have debt on top of debt at the moment and the fiancé no longer has a job as he quit it due to personality clashes and the stress that the job had been bringing him. He also has no idea what he wants to do next and knowing him as I do he will take his time and be lazy about it too.

 

I guess the other big news is that my sister no longer lives with me. After another stint in hospital she has been released and has got a place of her own or she may be living with people she knows. We are not sure which one as she hasn’t really told us anything. She took her dog and then returned him and says that she is going to collect her stuff. She has also broken into the house twice.

 

My mother is no longer speaking to my youngest brother due to his wife in one of her fights where her opponent has no idea that they are fighting. Though admittedly he is not making an effort to talk to her so maybe he is more aware than we know. He usually calls her once a week and hasn’t since the dispute occurred. She though does have a good reason for her anger at my brother and sister-in-law.

 

State of Origin starts tonight and for the first time in a long time it seems that I will have to watch the match. I really don’t want to watch as I was going to start my yearly watch of Cowboy Bebop tonight but the fiancé is coming over to watch the match as he is unable to as he can’t get a signal where he is at the moment. He really needs to move in and with my sister gone he can though I guess with him being unemployed….

 

 Song Of The Day

 

Decisive Badger

I have many faults, I will never ever say that I am perfect because in my mind perfection equals normality and I would never ever want to be called normal. So I cannot be called perfect though I do have perfectionist streak at times, but that is the Virgo in me. I can be lazy and procrastinate a lot and I am absolutely terrible when it comes to money and making decisions when it comes to money. I am probably more selfish than I would like to be also and I am struggling with this quite a bit at the moment but this is probably my anxiety, which I guess is another reason why I am not perfect/normal.

One thing that I am and that has been pointed out and something that I am kind of proud of is that I am decisive. If I say that I am going to do something I will do it though I will think on it for a while before I act. Two things I did over the weekend prove this.

I have stated that I wanted to get a Wonder Woman tattoo and wanted to do it before the movie comes out. I decided this a couple of months after getting my Harley Quinn diamonds tattoo because I did debate on getting a Joker J tattoo. I decided to go with a more feminist bent instead. So I now I had Harley on left wrist/forearm and Wonder Woman on my right. My good and bad sides. I guess this is the selfish decision that I made over the weekend.

 

 

The second one is something that is a little selfish I guess because it was for me but it was also for my family and will kick off, hopefully, the renovation of the house for its possible sale. I got my room painted. It was something that I had considered for over a year and me and the bf had gone to Bunnings (a hardware chain here in Australia) a couple of time and got colour swatches. I made a decision to do it two weekends ago and after consultation with family members a colour was decided upon.

We got the paint and other utensils to complete the job on Friday with the intent on doing it over the weekend as it was a long one due to Labour Day. Saturday I was in a lazy mood so me and the bf decided on Sunday as the day with touch ups on Monday if required. Sunday I cleared out the room before my bf arrived as he told me to have it done bright an early and then turned up later than I thought he would, though that is quite typical because as my mother said there was work to be done so naturally he was lazy. He helped move the items of furniture that needed to be moved out and moved the bed to the middle of the room. It was the only piece of furniture that could not be moved.

Myself and he then painted the room with assistance from my 9 year old niece and my sister’s sometime boyfriend. My niece helped as way of distracting her as her guinea pig died the night before and the sometimes boyfriend offered and said that he knew what he was doing though probably didn’t or was too distracted by my sister. He was planning on using the remainder of the paint to do my sisters room though to do that she will need to clean it and that it a challenge in itself.

My room though looks great and I am pleased with the outcome though we will still need to paint the trims and doors as they are still the original creamy colour they were before and that colour really doesn’t work well with the new colour of the walls.

Song of the Day

Badger, It’s Been A While

I feel like breaking into song and singing a little Staind at the moment but this is not really the time or even the place. I doubt that anyone would appreciate me breaking into song. I am not Kevin Smith after all (he always sings it when he says the phrase).

Still having inspiration and concentration issues. Started seeing my psychologist again and she has suggested that I defer on the study until I can calm done. Have done a little bit of travelling over the last month in which the thought of flying really started stressing me out which has never happened before as I have been mentioned in a previous post that I love flying. Saw my father for the first time in 27 years while on said travel which was really emotional as he is not a well man (suffers from Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s). The second lot of travel took me up to a cyclone affected area of North Queensland to do a little recovery work where strangely my anxiety decided to play nice for all but one day and that was due to my dislike of confrontation. We also had a really good EAP (Employee Assistance Program) rep available.

Sister was in hospital again but is now out and being a pain in ass. She wants my bed because I have a better mattress and naturally I don’t want to give it up because it is my bed. Booked a cruise for next year for my bf’s 50th. Since he doesn’t like boats it is going to be interesting. Family are planning on selling the family home due to the fact that my stepfather and my mother have split. Might finally get the money that he owes me.

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Want to get a semicolon tattoo either behind my one of my ears or on the same wrist as my Harley’s Diamonds tattoo. Also want get a Wonder Woman tattoo on the opposing wrist before the movie comes out. BTW the trailers are awesome and so it the Justice League ones. Speaking of DC properties been reading a lot of comic books lately due to the travel and a podcast that I listen to. If you like DC comics and don’t mind long podcasts and I mean 10 to 12 hour long podcasts listen to Weird Science DC. They are really insightful and review every DC related comic weekly. They also treat their listeners well are very funny.

Though this is my first in while on this blog I have put up a few posts on my review blog in which I have put up reviews for the following:

Ready Player One (Book)

Riverdale (TV)

Assassination Classroom (Anime)

Cowboy Bebop (Anime)

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movie)

Logan (Movie)

Song Of The Day

 

 

Intimidated Badger

 

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Happy New Year everyone and I hope everyone had  a great holiday season. I am sorry that I have not posted anything recently and I would like to say to that I have just been really busy but to be honest and I do try to  be as honest as possible, I mean that is one of the qualities us badgers are known for, but I have been a little lazy and also I have been having issues with inspiration.

 

My creative side has kind of dried up of late and I am also having trouble focusing on what I am supposed to be focusing on and even on stuff that I want to be doing like writing in general. I am blaming the heat partially because I, like my Huffflepup, don’t like the sun and it don’t like me. I will also blame my anxiety issues because well that will probably play a factor cause it does make me distracted to a point.

 

Last but not least is the fact that as I have mentioned I am doing some studying at the moment and the last subject that I did we had to do a role play in which we had to act out a meeting we arranged and then do the minutes for and have it recorded and added as part of our assessment. Now with my anxiety issues and my issues with nervousness and public speaking I found this incredibly intimidating and nerve racking and it drained me. We then went into the next topic which also I find intimidating so much so that I have not even started doing it (I should be doing it now) and it is due next week.

 

The subject it Project Management and I actually have an interest in project work though admittedly managing a project has no interest to me what so ever. I like the idea of working on a team with a particular goal in mind and being there from start to finish but actually managing other people and giving instructions just intimidates me.

 

Song of the Day

 

 

 

 

Virgo Badger

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I am a Virgo and we can get quite precise and analytical and are known to be perfectionist. Now I am not that way all the time but when I am it annoys me to no end. At the moment I am on a bit of an organisational binge or I will be when I find the time. That time will be Friday because I have asked for the day off to complete this task. I just hope that I actually fulfil it cause I have a habit of making plans and not following through. Procrastination is another trait of the Virgo.

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My object of annoyance that I need to organise, because it is driving me nuts, is my wardrobe and to a lesser extent the drawers in my bedroom. I guess you could say anything that has to do with clothes is driving me crazy because it is a mess and I can’t find anything. The last two weeks I have been researching the best ways to organise my wardrobe and what I will need to do and get because but that is what Virgos do. We prepare.

I guess I could be making a mountain out of a molehill, I mean Virgos are known to over-analyse and I do have a tendency to over think things, that comes with the anxiety I believe, but in this case I might not be. I was grocery with my BF and I stopped in the cleaning/storage section where there were they kept the storage options like boxes, bins, space bags and such. He looked at me and said that it was I needed to get fix up my wardrobe. If he is telling me that I need to clean up my wardrobe it can’t just be only me.

I also tend to bite off more than I can chew. With work, BF and study I already have a full plate but I am also considering starting up another Harry Potter role play site. Yeah, I know I joined a site not that long ago and though the people are super nice I am not role playing with anyone at the moment. I have sort of picked out a title but it is just a story line that I am having issues with. I mean not everyone is going to play to the story line but it is always good to have one in background. I don’t want to go with the one that I used last time because it too rigid but I don’t want to seem to be copying someone else either.

Song of the Day

Fairy Tale (Tail) Badger

So a little update on my health. Went and saw my psychologist and she wants me to see a psychiatrist. I have gotten the referral and my doctor has put me on new medication but I have not made an appointment for psychiatrist yet. On antibiotics as well due to having swollen tonsils last week, which admittedly dulled the anxiety until yesterday but more on that later. I have though been suffering from boats of vertigo since which is rather annoying.

 

 

Now to the anxiety issues that have flared again yesterday and also the reason for the title of this post and I should also wish Pop Goes The Badger a very happy first birthday as well. This weekend marked the Grand Final weekend for the two major football codes in Australia, Australian Rules Football and Rugby League. Now last year if you recall the premierships were won by Hawthorn Hawks who defeated the West Coast Eagles and the North Queensland Cowboys who defeated the Brisbane Broncos for their maiden win.

 

This year there were two different team that contested the final this year and the winning teams can consider the win as fairy tale wins. In the AFL the final was played by the Western Bulldogs and the Sydney Swans with the Bulldogs prevailing for their first win since 1954. They also become the first team to win after finish in 7th place after the regular season. Congratulations Western Bulldogs

 

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Now the second final and the one that sent my anxiety into overdrive was as much of a fairy tale as the Bulldogs was the NRL final. This one was between the Melbourne Storm and the Cronulla Sharks. I do not go for either of these teams but the Sharks have a special place in my heart as more than half of my family support this team and if I weren’t going for my beloved Penrith Panthers they I would be barracking for them.

 

There is a quote attributed to legendary Rugby League coach Jack Gibson, “Waiting for Cronulla to win a premiership is like leaving a porch lamp on for Harold Holt.”

 

Now Harold Holt, if you are not familiar with Australian history, was an Australian Prime Minister who disappeared in 1967 after going for a swim at a beach in Victoria. The Cronulla-Sutherland Shark entered the premiership that same year. Well the porch lights were turned off in the Shire last night as the Shark won their elusive premiership last night.

 

Both my brothers had gone down for the match and my mother, who believes that it was because of her that they won because my boyfriend and I gave her a Sharks jersey for Mother’s Day, had worn her jersey for the last two days. I was at home and watched the match along with my boyfriend. Cronulla scored the first points in the match and lead at half time. Melbourne are not known for come backs at all but they scored first after the break and actually lead with 15 minutes left and it was there that I could not watch the match any longer. Actually it was with around 20 minutes left that I couldn’t watch no longer. I could not sit still and I was all over the place. I decided to do the dishes instead and get commentary from my boyfriend.

 

Luckily Andrew Fifita scored and the Sharks were back in the lead though the Storm made a valiant effort with the last set of six but the Sharks held them off. I was so emotional that I was almost crying. Congratulations to the Sharks and in particular their captain Paul Gallen, coach Shane Flanagan and Penrith boy and Clive Churchill medallist Luke Lewis. It was good to see club legend Andrew Ettingshausen there and so very emotional after seeing his Sharks finally break their drought.

 

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Now the last part of this post is about the other Fairy Tail. I have continued by re-watch of the show and an in the ending stage of the Grand Magic Games arc. I am trying to write a review of the show for my other blog but am having issues due to the amount of episodes and characters involved. I am thinking that it will most likely be more of a pros and cons kind of post in the end.

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Song of the Day

 

A Badger’s Decision

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Okay so my anxiety has gotten worse so much so that I had to leave and go home on Friday of last week because I just could not focus on anything. I had to explain the feeling to my boss because he has never had the feeling before. We broke it down to having approx 10 coffees in a short amount of time.  

 

I have put it down to my medication as I had been given a generic form of my medication and it was making me wired. I went to get my normal medication but my chemist had stopped getting it and had only the one that using and another that was way more expensive. I am still taking the medication but I am making sure that I eat before taking it as the anxiety isn’t as bad if I eat first.

Since it has been two weeks since my birthday I have come to the conclusion that it probably wasn’t that entirely that is the source of my current lapse. I am thinking that is the decisions that I have made that might be a contributing factor. That being my decision to move in with my bf, sister and her bf and also to return to study. I have a real bad habit of making decisions on the spur of the moment and they figuring out the consequences later on. That last time this happened I had got together with my bf, decided to study and also agreed to go overseas. Two out of three were good decisions the third one I never finished.

Another decision I made was to get back into Harry Potter written role play. I have been wanting to for a while it was just trying to find the right site and I think I found it though it is not exactly what I was looking for. I have only played in and around the Voldemort/Harry timeline and up to 10-20 years after the books were set and also in a PG kind of atmosphere. This time around is set in 2053 and it definitely a Adults website so much so that they have included a comfortability form to complete.

The staff and members are really friendly and I joined using the son of a character that I have had for a while. The good thing with this site is that they don’t mind you having multiple characters and to a certain extent they even encourage it so in the future I might bring in other characters that I have created. I just have to work on how they fit into the story being played out.

The site is called The Next Incantation and if you have any interest in role play I would love to see you there I am playing a character called Mack Wilde there.

The other thing that I have done recently is get back into Anime. Because of my DC binge I had stopped watching anime altogether but started up again over the weekend. I decided to re-watch Fairy Tail starting with the Phantom Lord arc and am currently on the Oración Seis arc. Though I love this show and love Erza and Jellal as a couple for some reason I don’t enjoy the arc’s where Jellal is prominent like this one and the previous Tower of Heaven Arc. Maybe it is because I don’t like seeing Erza vulnerable or her past and Jellal always brings that out in her.

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Song of the Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Badger’s Oscar

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So I had a significant birthday and though I was alright with turning this particular age earlier in the year. The week or so before the big day I had major anxiety so much so that I had to go on leave earlier than planned. I was going to go on leave the Friday before my birthday and I ended up going two days earlier.

 

This week is my first week back and though my anxiety was present during my time off it has flared up mightily. Maybe because of decisions made during leave like going and doing some extra study and trying to find a place to rent with my bf, sister and her bf. Yes, I know this is a little on the crazy side and both my bf and I realise this but it is the only way that we are going to be able to afford to move in together and my step-father has been getting a little more verbally abusive towards me of late and it can’t be good for my mental health.

 

The problem is my sister is getting rather demanding. She has given specifications on where we have to live and she is not really taking in consideration anyone else’s need but her own. It has to be in one particular suburb so she can be closer to her kids. I understand that but her other housemates will have requirements as well. I need to have public transport close by and her bf will need a big enough garage or shed to work out of. Luckily my bf is quite easy but then he is probably going to have the biggest issue with living with her especially if she goes off the rails.

 

I went away with the bf over the weekend and though the trip was good I now am feeling majorly tired. I am a reasonably good sleeper so much so that I can fall asleep in most places and though I can fall asleep it is not guaranteed that I will stay asleep or sleep well. The place that we stayed at I did not sleep well especially the second night. I kept on dreaming of my return to work and every time I had a major headache and I could feel the pain of the headache while I was asleep. I also didn’t sleep well the night before going to work. That I think was anxiety.

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So despite my anxiety in relation to the birthday it was a really good day and I got some really good gifts and had a really good party. My Aunt, Uncle and Grandmother came up from Melbourne and despite a friend of the family getting drunk, which is no surprise because she is an alcoholic and our boarder trying to get me drunk I was a good night with good food and good people.

 

My best gift is the one I got from my boyfriend is the statuette form of the Joker/Harley Cover and I call it my Oscar because of the shape and feel and maybe even the size.

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Song Of The Day