Badger’s New Day

redrose sunrise

I have officially moved over to another department of the company I work for. I am still trying to find my feet to an extent mainly because I have not been given any real direction of what I am supposed to be doing here. I am just doing what I can with what I have been given really. Luckily there are few familiar faces so I am probably not as anxious as I could be considering I do not like change all that much.

On the home front my sister is in hospital (again) and the more that she uses the more gets violent. She assaulted her sometimes partner last week so much so that he needed to go to the hospital. My mother and the Eagle are sort of fighting at the moment and of course that puts me in a difficult position as I can see the point from both sides, ever the fence sitter that I am.

I have sorted out my ceremonial music (yay!!) but am still tinkering with reception music, well the entrance, first dance, cake cutting, last dance/departure that kind of thing. Not sure if am going to have a daddy/daughter mother/son dance as well as the Eagle is not a dancer and I am not sure whether or not I want to dance with my step-father or not. Not even sure I want to walk down the aisle with him. Might do a Meghan Markle and walk on my own or have my mother do it. Was considering my Uncle as he is also my god-father but my mother and the Eagle thought that was a silly idea.

Though I thought I had the ceremony/reception worked out I might not have now. My mother says the reception venue is too far away from where the ceremony is. I have done a google check on this and it is only 23 minutes while both my mother and the Eagle say it is around 40. So I have to find a venue that will do the meal the way that I want it closer. Might have found one too but it is a little more expensive and without alcohol but I still have negotiate that. The whole backyard BBQ may still be on the table though, fingers crossed.

My dress and shoes have been ordered along with a tiara. Was not originally going to have one but I liked Meghan Markle’s so much that I decided to find a cheap one that was in a similar style. Have also changed my mind in regards to the bridal party dresses. I have also ordered the ties for two of the groomsmen but am worried as I have not received them as yet despite ordering them quite a while ago. I have contacted the seller 3 times but have not had a response from them. I paid for them through PayPal and also contacted them also in the hope that I get my money back.

Song Of The Day

Advertisements

Trapped Badger

ed034886c1f3cf3979ba4ab9e42d2209

So I attended a wedding yesterday. It was a last minute thing. The Eagle’s best friend’s daughter was the bride and she had a couple of people pull out at the night before and she needed seat fillers. We agreed to go as a favour and also so that I could possibly get ideas myself for our own wedding.

It was a nice wedding. The location was nice and meal was good and I did get a couple of ideas but at the same time it’s doing my head in a bit. The stress and anxiety of all is playing on me really bad that I feel a little trapped, especially inside my own head. I can almost feel like I am going to have a panic attack and start bawling at any moment.

It also doesn’t help that when I run things across other people, in particular my mother, she agrees with me and says that it is a good idea but then turns around and says the opposite to the Eagle. As their wedding was on a Thursday I put it to her to maybe have a weekday wedding as it might end up being cheaper. We worked out an alternate date and everything. The Eagle told me later on that she thought it was a stupid idea.

I also leaning towards a more industrial/warehouse styled wedding as I believe it fits well with the superhero/Joker and Harley Quinn theme but like with every other place or even idea I have come up with just finding the right place has proven to be difficult. Naturally there is nothing in what I consider to be my local area as they are more likely to be closer to or in the city or on the other side of Brisbane. I also kind of a like the idea of a feast/banquet style kind of like how they had meals at Hogwarts. Maybe I am just being a little too picky.

Song Of The Day

Badger The Foodie

Wedding-Advice

 

I am feeling a little down today and it is the wedding that is making me feel this way. It is mainly money and how I am going to pay for it all as I really don’t expect the Eagle to assist. I am also keep on getting fixated on certain aspects. In a previous post it was music, for a while last week it was party favours. I got that one sorted out but I have moved on now to something else.

You would think that I would be obsessing over a venue and to a certain extent I am but it is not so much the venue but the food that is worrying me. In my original idea that was not an issue, at least that was what I thought. It was going to be a backyard reception with a spit and such. A big backyard BBQ. When that fell through I am now looking for affordable venues that have a good menu and that is not easy to find in my opinion.

I guess I am trying to please everyone but myself and I feel like I am doing with that with a lot of things. I guess it is the badger in me looking out for everybody else and though the Eagle does not want anything to do with the preparations it his tastes when it comes to menu items that I am trying to please and that is not good because he is extremely picky and has a rather simple to plain palette.

He won’t eat the following things:

 

  • Pork and any pig product
  • Nuts
  • Shellfish and Salmon

Admittedly I won’t eat the salmon and most shellfish though I will eat prawns but only if they are cooked and a lot of the menus that I have been looking through have at least salmon and pork belly on the menu and I have to rule that out automatically because I know that he won’t eat it and then that leaves other menu items that there might be something in it that he won’t touch. I guess I could just go with a buffet but at the same time it is kind of tacky in my mind and the food is not very fancy.
I am having issues in general of finding a place that is local to us and close to where I would like to have the ceremony. Our current favourite, and only because of price, menu is very simple and bordering on pub grub. Admittedly it is a tavern but I have checked out other taverns in the area and the food is a little more fancy. Also I have no idea what the venue actually looks like as there were no images of the room decked out for any sort of wedding or party.

I guess we have to go with what we can or postpone so that a little more saving can be done. I really don’t want to do that but we might not have a choice.

Song of the Day

 

 

 

Badger Faults

anxiety-quote-2-1-healthyplace

 

It might be just a matter of my anxieties showing but lately I have been noticing my faults and failings and this whole wedding thing has shown a light to me of a big one that I have and that is actually asking for help or for anything, for that matter. I think with me this comes back to my childhood where I got it into my head that it was best not to ask for anything because what would be point of asking if you know the answer is going to be NO. It is also why I always wait until someone offers assistance instead of straight out asking. I don’t feel comfortable asking for anything. I makes me feel very uneasy and selfish. I guess this is also my way of not hearing the word NO spoken to me.

This is also led me to maybe being a little closed off and maybe a little too independent though I not sure if that is the right word. I just get it into my head that it is all up to me and that I am the only one that can do it and at times I do get the impression that my loved ones see it that way as well. Maybe it is my ego making an appearance, to a certain extent, but when I was younger and even now sometimes I believe that my family and the Eagle also believes that I am going to save them. From what I do not know but that is what I see and believe.

It is very draining, both mentally and emotionally, and it makes me feel like I have more weight on my shoulders than I need to.

—————-

Speaking of the wedding we officially have one more year to go before the Badger and Eagle wed and nothing much has really happened since my last post. I have gotten the lanterns and I have decided on the wedding favors but I still don’t have a location for the wedding or any idea of how any of this is going to be paid for.

Song of the Day

 

Badger Really All Over The Place!!

headache-funny-quotes

If I was all over the place last time around I definitely am now. My anxiety won’t settle and neither will the headaches. Actually the headaches are becoming a pain in the neck, both literally and figuratively. I am also not sleeping the best which is not helping on iota. The heat is also playing its part..

*****

The Eagle celebrated a milestone birthday over the weekend and it was another thing that I was anxious about as I was not sure that he would like the gift that he was getting from myself and his mother. It is a cruise and since he is not fond of boats I was a little worried that he would reject it outright. He was pretty okay with it as he said that he needs to loosen up and try new things and we will take the necessary medications and such so that we both will not get sea sick.

We also went out to dinner with friends of ours that night which was a nice change. We don’t get out and do things like that all the much and though we keep saying we need to do it more often we never do. I am always the one that ends up making the arrangements anyway as he just leaves it up to me and the others don’t seem to try.

The Eagle is also considering learning to ride a motorbike which means, and he has admitted to it, that he is heading into a midlife crisis. I am not sure how I feel about that yet as I have mixed feelings about it. His sister is a rider and one of couples that we had dinner with are as well and I think that was the reason why he mentioned it.

*****

Well the wedding preparations have fallen through a little as we can no longer hold the reception at my brother’s house as he does not believe that his land is flat enough to do it after speaking to a party planner who was doing a party at a neighbouring property. Whether or not this a true is a whole different kettle of fish as my mother, myself and the Eagle tend to think that my sister-in-law might be stirring up trouble because she does that.

Talking of my sister-in-law I had to make a change to bridal party and added her daughter as a bridesmaid. On New Year’s Eve they came over for a BBQ and I showed her the plans that I had made for the wedding. A couple of days later the Eagle got a message from my brother saying that my his daughter was upset because my junior bridesmaid had said that she was my favourite because she was in the wedding party and the other wasn’t. That didn’t sound like her at all and she said that she never said that.

On Australia Day we had another BBQ, though my sister-in-law was not present because she had to work. I spoke with my niece and asked her about it and she said that it never happened and didn’t know anything about that until a few days later when her dad asked her about it. We tend to think that her mother was bitching to my brother and he misunderstood what she said or she deliberately made up the story. Either way I then asked her if she would like to be and she said that she would. After speaking with my mother and Eagle we came up with a way that she could be a bridesmaid without adding another groomsman.

*****

I have nailed down the processional and recessional songs now and am trying to nail down where we having the wedding since the original idea fell through. The Eagle is a partial to going to the registry office and though it is cheaper I don’t like it. Maybe it will grow one me though.

I have also decided that the bridesmaids will not have bouquets of flowers but hold lanterns instead. The junior bridesmaid will carry two red roses as she will present them to myself and Eagle when the registry is signed. The flower girl will have a posy.

lanterns example

Song Of The Day

 

Badger, All Over The Place

2015-03-09-1425859224-5087651-nbuqoyuv

So the Eagle did something stupid this morning as I was leaving for work. He told me, a person who he knows has anxiety issues and is prone to stressing un-necessarily, not to stress. This of course has set me off after a week where my anxiety has already been off the charts. He wants to talk to me about something and I know what it is but I am not supposed to stress about it anyway. Stupid Eagle of course I am going to stress and work myself up over it because that is what I do. My depression has also kicked in. I just need a severe headache/migraine to decide to join in to make the Un-Holy trinity that is the Badger at her worse.

My diet is also a little off the wagon at the moment and I am blaming the weather. It has been raining most of the week and we are set to have another system come through over the weekend. It is quite unusual at this time of year. I have to get back on it and especially give up the coffee again as I think that is one of the reason’s my anxiety has rearing its head this week.

**************

I am a little late, three weeks or so, but we have had our football codes grand finals and we had one true fairy tale and one not so much but could have been. Congratulations to the Richmond Tigers who beat the Adelaide Crows for the AFL premiership. Either way it was going to be emotional for both teams. I was more rooting for the Crows due to the fact that my boss is s Crows fan and they have a rough year last year. Richmond, on the other hand, had not won a premiership in 37 years.

richmond-tigers-2017-premiers-supporter-flag

Now with the Rugby League the talking point before the game was more out the pre-game entertainment while this year was Macklemore. I am not a rap/hip hop fan per say but I do like Macklemore quite a bit. The reason why this is a talking point is at the moment we are having a postal vote on whether or not gay marriage should become legal. Macklemore, a supporter of gay marriage, has a song called Same Love and chose to perform it as part of his show. Those opposed didn’t think a Grand Final should be a place to push for agenda at. He sung the song and it was wonderful, his whole performance was wonderful and he truly looked like he was enjoying himself.

Macklemore

Well back to actual game. This one was between the premiership favourites the Melbourne Storm and the underdogs (no truer words) North Queensland Cowboys. The Cowboys had only just scraped into the finals series as teams that should have won lost. They were missing there star player in Jonathan Thurston who had been out most of the season due to first a calf injury and then a shoulder one. It was very unlikely that the Cowboys were going to win but after four minutes it seemed even less likely as Prop Shaun Fensom broke his leg which meant they were down a player for the rest of the game. Melbourne won easily 34-6. It was a good send off for the star-halfback Cooper Cronk who was leaving the club at the end of the game. He will either retire or join another club in Sydney.

765867

 

***************

Wedding preparations have been a little on the quiet side as I have other things on my mind. I have been focused a little on the music side of things and in particular the music at the ceremony.

I had decided that I wanted to walk down to the isle to a song written/performed by an Australian singer/band. It is just trying to find the right one that I am having trouble with.

I keep coming back to INXS’s Never Tear Us Apart, as the Eagle loves INXS and it is a great song, but if go with that one then I want to find an acoustic version of it and by INXS themselves and not a cover. I then flick between trying to find something by Angus and Julia Stone, Kate Miller-Heidke, Sia, Katie Noonan or Bernard Fanning. I then went in another direction and checked out The Temper Traps Sweet Disposition as a lot of people have said that is a good song to use. It just doesn’t suit what I am going for, though to be honest I don’t know what I am going for. I think of Birds of Tokyo and in particular Lanterns but think that is probably more of a recessional song than a processional. I go something truly sappy like Savage Gardens Truly, Madly Deeply, Guy Sebastian’s Angels Brought Me Here or go a little retro with Angry Anderson’s Suddenly.

I am probably overthinking it but that is the Virgo in me and it will probably get worse as it gets closer. If you have any ideas let me know because I would really like some input.

Song Of The Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Badger’s Idea

6e970331d77a3bb0f07c464d283ab0b6-honey-badger-php

I have mentioned before that I like to do written roleplay and in particular Harry Potter roleplay. I was a member of a site for a many years that I eventually was a mod on before it was shut down and I have been in and out sites since even running my own for a while. I was a member of site at the end of last year beginning of this but sort of lost interest mainly because I believed that the site didn’t have balance, this I believe is my anxiety speaking, and since then I have done numerous searches for a new site to play on and have found that most sites have the same issue or there is an element in the plot that I don’t like or think is feasible even though in most cases it is an AU site.

They all seem to be weighted towards the dark side of the force, to borrow a Star Wars phrase, and it bothers me greatly. Look, I see the allure in playing the dark-wizard but if you give the them an extra power or just power all together you have to give the opposition an opposing power or something they can use to fight back. You can’t just have a site full of Death Eaters and no Order or Order like group to fight back with. It’s no fun trying to play a hero or just a neutral character when the scale is in heavily in favour of the dark or dark sympathetic, especially when you feel like you have to be secretive all the time.

So I have been trying to think of a plotline that I can start my own site with and I think I have it but I really need feedback on it and also assistance. I was trying to find a website when I can voice such a thing but had no luck and had put something up in OOC section of one of the sites that I am a member of but I have had no responses so I thought that I might put it up here and see if I get a nibble.

 

******

The missing 20.

 

It is a little known tale that came from the second war. One month after the death of Albus Dumbledore 20 persons with magic in their blood disappeared. Differing in age, from the age of 15 and up, blood-status, and sex vanished without a trace within a span of a day. All disappearances were reported to the Ministry but with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his Death Eaters on the verge of taking of the Ministry of Magic the missing were soon forgotten and were assumed either dead or had left the country.

 

June 2017, 20 years later the 20 reappear. 10 appear in Glastonbury the other 10 in Seven Dials, London. They all appear to have not aged but are aware that they have.

**********

Now it is a work in progress as I want there to be a reason for their disappearance, but maybe that can be a part of the plot, and I also want them to have obtained something while they were away though I don’t necessarily want it to be the same thing though whatever it will be will either fall on the dark or light side. Where they arrived will define what side of the line are aligned with as I see Glastonbury as the light and Seven Dials as the dark though I guess this could change if a different location suits better.

So if there are any role players out there and think this a good idea and would like to assist I will be mighty grateful.

 

Song Of The Day

 

Badger’s Big News

So the bf is no longer the bf any longer he is now the fiancé. Being the un-romantic kind he took me and one of my nieces to a local mall told me I had a budget and to choose a ring. I found one, he bought it and I am now an engaged badger. 


 

So I guess you can say that I have added a little more anxiety to the picture as I know have a wedding to arrange though when that will be I have no idea. If I had the money I would want as soon as possible but money is going to be the problem. I have debt on top of debt at the moment and the fiancé no longer has a job as he quit it due to personality clashes and the stress that the job had been bringing him. He also has no idea what he wants to do next and knowing him as I do he will take his time and be lazy about it too.

 

I guess the other big news is that my sister no longer lives with me. After another stint in hospital she has been released and has got a place of her own or she may be living with people she knows. We are not sure which one as she hasn’t really told us anything. She took her dog and then returned him and says that she is going to collect her stuff. She has also broken into the house twice.

 

My mother is no longer speaking to my youngest brother due to his wife in one of her fights where her opponent has no idea that they are fighting. Though admittedly he is not making an effort to talk to her so maybe he is more aware than we know. He usually calls her once a week and hasn’t since the dispute occurred. She though does have a good reason for her anger at my brother and sister-in-law.

 

State of Origin starts tonight and for the first time in a long time it seems that I will have to watch the match. I really don’t want to watch as I was going to start my yearly watch of Cowboy Bebop tonight but the fiancé is coming over to watch the match as he is unable to as he can’t get a signal where he is at the moment. He really needs to move in and with my sister gone he can though I guess with him being unemployed….

 

 Song Of The Day

 

Decisive Badger

I have many faults, I will never ever say that I am perfect because in my mind perfection equals normality and I would never ever want to be called normal. So I cannot be called perfect though I do have perfectionist streak at times, but that is the Virgo in me. I can be lazy and procrastinate a lot and I am absolutely terrible when it comes to money and making decisions when it comes to money. I am probably more selfish than I would like to be also and I am struggling with this quite a bit at the moment but this is probably my anxiety, which I guess is another reason why I am not perfect/normal.

One thing that I am and that has been pointed out and something that I am kind of proud of is that I am decisive. If I say that I am going to do something I will do it though I will think on it for a while before I act. Two things I did over the weekend prove this.

I have stated that I wanted to get a Wonder Woman tattoo and wanted to do it before the movie comes out. I decided this a couple of months after getting my Harley Quinn diamonds tattoo because I did debate on getting a Joker J tattoo. I decided to go with a more feminist bent instead. So I now I had Harley on left wrist/forearm and Wonder Woman on my right. My good and bad sides. I guess this is the selfish decision that I made over the weekend.

 

 

The second one is something that is a little selfish I guess because it was for me but it was also for my family and will kick off, hopefully, the renovation of the house for its possible sale. I got my room painted. It was something that I had considered for over a year and me and the bf had gone to Bunnings (a hardware chain here in Australia) a couple of time and got colour swatches. I made a decision to do it two weekends ago and after consultation with family members a colour was decided upon.

We got the paint and other utensils to complete the job on Friday with the intent on doing it over the weekend as it was a long one due to Labour Day. Saturday I was in a lazy mood so me and the bf decided on Sunday as the day with touch ups on Monday if required. Sunday I cleared out the room before my bf arrived as he told me to have it done bright an early and then turned up later than I thought he would, though that is quite typical because as my mother said there was work to be done so naturally he was lazy. He helped move the items of furniture that needed to be moved out and moved the bed to the middle of the room. It was the only piece of furniture that could not be moved.

Myself and he then painted the room with assistance from my 9 year old niece and my sister’s sometime boyfriend. My niece helped as way of distracting her as her guinea pig died the night before and the sometimes boyfriend offered and said that he knew what he was doing though probably didn’t or was too distracted by my sister. He was planning on using the remainder of the paint to do my sisters room though to do that she will need to clean it and that it a challenge in itself.

My room though looks great and I am pleased with the outcome though we will still need to paint the trims and doors as they are still the original creamy colour they were before and that colour really doesn’t work well with the new colour of the walls.

Song of the Day

Badger, It’s Been A While

I feel like breaking into song and singing a little Staind at the moment but this is not really the time or even the place. I doubt that anyone would appreciate me breaking into song. I am not Kevin Smith after all (he always sings it when he says the phrase).

Still having inspiration and concentration issues. Started seeing my psychologist again and she has suggested that I defer on the study until I can calm done. Have done a little bit of travelling over the last month in which the thought of flying really started stressing me out which has never happened before as I have been mentioned in a previous post that I love flying. Saw my father for the first time in 27 years while on said travel which was really emotional as he is not a well man (suffers from Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s). The second lot of travel took me up to a cyclone affected area of North Queensland to do a little recovery work where strangely my anxiety decided to play nice for all but one day and that was due to my dislike of confrontation. We also had a really good EAP (Employee Assistance Program) rep available.

Sister was in hospital again but is now out and being a pain in ass. She wants my bed because I have a better mattress and naturally I don’t want to give it up because it is my bed. Booked a cruise for next year for my bf’s 50th. Since he doesn’t like boats it is going to be interesting. Family are planning on selling the family home due to the fact that my stepfather and my mother have split. Might finally get the money that he owes me.

IMG_0688semicolon-tattoo-thumb-3-b2280db1eac370fba0001c83e97c1913  67a3338d43c4244fd24fe013860c609f

Want to get a semicolon tattoo either behind my one of my ears or on the same wrist as my Harley’s Diamonds tattoo. Also want get a Wonder Woman tattoo on the opposing wrist before the movie comes out. BTW the trailers are awesome and so it the Justice League ones. Speaking of DC properties been reading a lot of comic books lately due to the travel and a podcast that I listen to. If you like DC comics and don’t mind long podcasts and I mean 10 to 12 hour long podcasts listen to Weird Science DC. They are really insightful and review every DC related comic weekly. They also treat their listeners well are very funny.

Though this is my first in while on this blog I have put up a few posts on my review blog in which I have put up reviews for the following:

Ready Player One (Book)

Riverdale (TV)

Assassination Classroom (Anime)

Cowboy Bebop (Anime)

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movie)

Logan (Movie)

Song Of The Day