Goal Setting Badger

 

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This is probably going to be a bit of update/catch all kind of post as there are a few things that I have on my mind or need to get off my chest as apart from my psychologist I have no other outlet that will listen and won’t make me feel bad for my thoughts and/or feelings.

 

First off

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Now that is out of the way on we go. I called this post Goal Setting Badger because I kind of set some goals for myself this year and actually wrote them down. I don’t usually like to set goals for myself as I never keep them but in the diary that I bought for the year there was a section for goal setting so thought that I would put a couple down. They are:

  • Get Married
  • Lose Weight
  • Write More/Start Writing Book

 

Now the first one has been on the cards for a while though if the Eagle doesn’t start helping out more it might not go ahead as money and the fact that most of my family doesn’t think I should marry him anyway and tells me so, my mother on a daily basis, which raises my anxiety and depression levels. He is also not helping himself with his moods and general attitude.

 

The second one is for myself and a little for wedding and I have already begun. I have been exercising since the beginning of the year and I have adjusted my diet so that I am eating approx. 1200 a day. I might not look it but due to my height I am considered obese and I needed to do something about it. So I did. It is working so far but that may change because apparently it my responsibility to make sure that my mother eats properly and with the diet most of my weekly budget goes on the food I need for the week. This of course makes me feel guilty and of course that raises my anxiety and depression levels.

 

Now the last one is all for myself and is probably going to be hardest as finding the time and energy to do so will be a challenge of itself. I would be happy enough to blog a little more actually but writing a book is my ultimate goal/dream for myself. Hopefully this will not cause any anxiety or depression but knowing me I will find a way.

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In the last week and a bit I have done two, well let’s say three things that I haven’t done in a while or never done before. The first one was my birthday present from the Eagle last year, which he bitched about buying because of price and the fact that it was something that he was not interested in himself (I half expected him to pull out actually, luckily I had a backup plan) despite that it was my birthday present and something that I wanted. It was also a bit of a bucket list item for me. It being seeing my current favourite band in concert. That band is Florence and the Machine. It was first concert I have seen in a long time and the first outdoor concert I have attended. I loved it, though admittedly they didn’t play enough songs from the first two albums but I understand why they didn’t.

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The next thing I did was groom a dog and I don’t mean just brushing one. I shaved a dog that was not my own. The Eagle and I bought a electric razor to groom our Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Lady, as she absolutely hates the heat and we have been grooming her ourselves for a couple of months now. My mother happened to tell a lady she knows this and asked that we do her dog as well. The Eagle was not comfortable doing it but mum offered up myself with assistance from her to do it. Luckily we did a pretty good job and  the lady was happy with our efforts.

 

The last and final thing I did was go fishing. It is not something that I do often or even enjoy doing, actually I don’t consider myself to have any of what I call fish sense.  The Eagle and I were invited to go by my sister and her sometimes bf and although the Eagle was not super keen I talked him into it as it was something to do and was inexpensive as the sometime bf was bringing the bait and was paying for lunch. All we had to do was bring some fishing rods, which luckily we had. It ended up being alright despite having no fish sense and the unhealthy lunch (KFC).

 

Oh and I also dyed my hair violet.

Song Of The Day

 

P.S bet you thought it was going to be Florence and the Machine!!
 

 

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Badger On A Diet

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So due to my wedding and my doctor instructing me to do so I am now on a diet. I am 10 or so kilo’s overweight according to BMI, though admittedly I do not look it, I have high cholesterol (worrying but controllable) and an iron deficiency.

A couple of years ago I had a personal trainer and a gym membership but I gave that up due to the expense. So when it came to exercise I will admit to being a little lax. I was given a FitBit for my birthday by the Eagle and my mother and I have to admit it is a great motivator, more than the PT and gym membership ever was. Now almost every morning I will get up around 5 am and walk my mother’s dachshund, Winni, and my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Lady. Occasionally my sister’s min-fox x Chihuahua, Steve, will escape and follow us or if I am joined by someone we will take him along.

As for the diet, totally given up coffee and soft-drinks. I really only drink water and the occasional cup of tea and meal replacement shake. I only allow myself bread at the end of the week. I couldn’t give it up completely as I am part Greek and I love my bread. I have oats every weekday morning and Monday and Tuesday for lunch I bring in a bowl of raw vegetables for lunch. I use the FitBit app to keep track on what I am eating.

I weigh myself every day. I used to do it once a week on Friday but I hated the set of scales we had as I seemed to be putting on weight rather than losing it. So I bought a new set of scales and have come to a conclusion that the weight gain was most likely putting on muscle as I have now begun to lose weight. Actually a lot of people in my business unit are on some kind of health kick which is great.

 

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A Wedding Update

My sister-in-law’s to be have offered their assistance with the Eagle’s older sister offering to assist with the decoration side of things as well as make the bouquets. She is really crafty and though I would love to be I am not. I also don’t have the time while I think she does. I have nailed down the Bridesmaid dresses and possibly my own. I just need to finalise my flower girls dress and decide whether or not her twin brother will be a page boy and if I am going to go that far with it all.

We are most likely going to have a jumping castle at the reception as we have the land to do it and it will be fun for the kids and it will keep them occupied. It was the Eagle’s sisters idea and she just happens to have one on hand. She also has a marquee which is also handy.

 

SONG OF THE DAY

 

 

Stupid, Stupid Badger

The past week I have done some incredibly stupid things that I am regretting doing now which culminated in what will most likely be the most stupid thing that I will most likely ever do yesterday.

 

My stupidity started out on Tuesday, which was my first mistake considering that I should never make a decision on that day considering my dislike, when I decided to borrow some money in the form of small personal loan. The amount wasn’t that much and I was offered more than double the amount but refused it. I guess that was a small smartness on my part but still it was a stupid thing to do considering that I probably couldn’t afford to do it in the first place. I borrowed the money because of the fact that my TV blew up and I wanted a new one, plus a few bills and a birthday present.

 

The second mistake and that biggest and most stupid thing that I will most likely ever do in my life occurred yesterday and naturally involved my sister who I have been standing up to a little bit lately. This has been mainly because of my frustration with her and the fact that keeps asking and borrowing my tech and then not returning it in a fashion that I would like, namely not closing down windows and systems she uses and also that fact she sends abusive messages to people using my number.

 

So my bf I went shopping for the TV and she and my eldest niece came along. We bought the TV from her ex and my nieces father because we knew that he would get us a good deal. After that my sister asked to go to another retailer which offered a good rental plan which meant that you will own what you rented at the end of the rental term. My sister could not apply for it herself because she did not have ID and also she does not have good credit and asked me to do it for her. I agreed to do it under the proviso that she will pay for the repayments using an automatic bank transfer. On top of the computer that she got and the necessary software that she would need we also ended up getting an Apple laptop for my niece because my sister had promised her one and I couldn’t say no to that because it would look bad on me and she also said that she would make payments herself once she got a job.

 

That was my huge act of stupidity.

 

I trust my niece to follow through, it is my sister that I don’t because she might follow through initially but I wouldn’t put it past her to back out eventually because her selfishness will eventually arise and she will come to the conclusion that what she needs in the moment out-ways what she owes in the past. In other words she will cancel the payments because when her need for cigarettes and fancy expensive milk will be more important than a computer and promises to her child. We have told her that moment she misses a payment the deal will be cancelled and she has agreed to it but I am too soft hearted and most likely not go ahead with it.

 

With this rental plan there was a cashback offer as well which I have signed up to receive though I am not counting my chickens with this one as I have gone down this path before and it has not worked. The cash back with this one was 20% of the purchase price which equates to approximately $400 which my sister expects and is planning on buying another computer with it this time for her youngest child who is 8 in preparation of when she goes into high school which is not for a couple more years. She wants her to know how to use Microsoft programs like Word and Excel. Personally I think this is a waste of money. We were originally going to put the money towards the actual plan so that it reduces the length and how much is owed but my sister nixed that in favour of the other. Personally I think that I should get some of it as a kind an assurance  considering I am getting no benefit out of this arrangement at all.

 

My sister, has however got it in her head that she that cashback includes the interest paid as well which means that the cashback will be over a $1000. Both me and my mother tried to tell her this last night but off course my sister is never wrong and she started going on about how we are stealing from her and we have made some kind of deal to divvy up the money. I also reminded her that I am doing her a favour here and I am putting my credit limit on the line for her but of course that doesn’t matter because in that moment she has what she wants.

 

She also went to her back-ups of claiming to have a bad childhood and that my mother was a bad parent and called her and myself a bitch and slut which of course that is just projection. She also pinned my mother against a wall and was kicking her as well but admittedly if my mother hadn’t grabbed at her that would not have happened. The whole incident frightened my mother’s dog Winni and has her hiding under my bed. I wish that I had filmed it because it would be proof to my step-father of my sister’s behaviour.

 

This of course has heightened my anxiety and depression levels and I wish that I could have stayed home today. Actually scratch that it would be a war zone there as both my mother and sister would be there. Maybe being at work is a better option and considering that I have the late today away from home is the best option. Tomorrow is a public holiday and my eldest brother is coming over. Hopefully things will calm down a bit.

 

Song Of The Day

Busy Badger

It is has been a hectic couple of weeks that has been the main reason why I have not posted a lot.

First of my family is back from Hong Kong and my week without them was interesting to say the least. I did not do as planned and watch Supernatural or Flash live due to tiredness and the fact that I totally forgot that we had dinner plans arranged for the night that the Flash aired. I did however watch Arrow live so ‘Yah’.

My anxiety also flared up mightily on the Wednesday so much so that I felt like I was going to have a panic attack while walking my dogs on the Thursday and forced me to have a day off on Friday so that I can go and see my doctor and once again be prescribed medication for it. It is has helped a lot though since being back on it.

My sister behaved herself while they were away and went on a baking spree. She had also decided to give up smoking and went and saw a doctor about it and got medication for it but has yet to fill the prescription for it and so is still begging for money and smokes. She also has to look for jobs and decided that she wants to be a chef. With no tech looking for work is not going to be easy for her which means that is asking to use everyone else’s and that is annoying.

This week has been a busy week in general in relation to work. I have had very little time to think or take a breather. This morning is the only real time that I have been able to breathe a little but once it hits 10 that will end I will be nose to the grindstone once more.

My mother walks the dogs every morning except Tuesdays because she starts work early on that day and I have agreed to walk the dogs on that day for her and then accompany her every second Saturday and Sunday when we don’t have the girls. When we do have them I have to keep an eye on the youngest who is an early riser. Every other day I will go to the gym because I have a membership and have not been able to use it due to timing and the season.

This weekend is supposed to be a scorcher and I am not looking forward to it. I do have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow in which my BF will also be attending but other than that I have nothing planned, not that I like making plans. I want to go swimming but can’t due to issues. I also would love to binge watch Jessica Jones this weekend but doubt that that is going to happen.

I am really hoping that things settle down a little in the lead up to Christmas.

Song Of The Day

 

Radical Badger

Instead  my Otaku Badger post I mentioned that my favourite anime of all time is Cowboy Bebop and today I thought I would talk a little bit about this anime in particular because I am channelling Ed a little from the show a little today with maybe a little bit of Asura the kishin from Soul Eater thrown in. Basically my anxiety is playing up big time due to work issues and the possibility that I may put in the middle of word war between two of my colleagues. Also my computer at home is not working and I didn’t walk the dogs today because I woke up late and that means I broke a promise to them, not that they would understand that but still I feel bad.

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Now Cowboy Bebop is set in the future, 2071 to be exact, space travel is possible and most of humanity no longer lives on earth as it has become uninhabitable due to a hyperspace gate blow up. We follow Jet Black, a former cop, and Spike Spiegel, a former crime syndicate member, as they travel on a former space trawler called the Bebop. They are bounty hunters or cowboys, as they are nicknamed, as they eke out a living. Along the way they acquire a dog, a Welsh Corgi which they call Ein, a former bounty head called Faye who was cryogenically frozen who is trying to find out who she is because has very little memories and is also a con woman, problem gambler and is very vain and selfish.

Then there is Ed. Ed is actually a girl who has given herself the name Edward Wang Hwe Pepel Cybulski 4th. She is a whiz kid and hacker and is known on earth as Radical Edward. The crew come into contact with her when they chase a large bounty as someone has been making large doodles into the earth and it is believed that someone, they think Ed, has hacked a satellite to do this. She hadn’t but Faye promises her that if she helps them find who did do it then they will let her come with them. Faye of course never meant to keep her promise but Ed hacks them and come on their adventures until she with Ein decides to leave near the end of the series.

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Ed is a strange kid who refers to herself in the third person, very rarely walks, uses her feet for unusual tasks such as typing and clapping and what I am like today easily distracted. She is also the one that bring the humor to the show. She is also one of the most enjoyable parts of the show in my opinion.

I might talk a little bit about the show in a later post and go over some of the other characters.

Song Of The Day Continue reading “Radical Badger”