Goal Setting Badger

 

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This is probably going to be a bit of update/catch all kind of post as there are a few things that I have on my mind or need to get off my chest as apart from my psychologist I have no other outlet that will listen and won’t make me feel bad for my thoughts and/or feelings.

 

First off

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Now that is out of the way on we go. I called this post Goal Setting Badger because I kind of set some goals for myself this year and actually wrote them down. I don’t usually like to set goals for myself as I never keep them but in the diary that I bought for the year there was a section for goal setting so thought that I would put a couple down. They are:

  • Get Married
  • Lose Weight
  • Write More/Start Writing Book

 

Now the first one has been on the cards for a while though if the Eagle doesn’t start helping out more it might not go ahead as money and the fact that most of my family doesn’t think I should marry him anyway and tells me so, my mother on a daily basis, which raises my anxiety and depression levels. He is also not helping himself with his moods and general attitude.

 

The second one is for myself and a little for wedding and I have already begun. I have been exercising since the beginning of the year and I have adjusted my diet so that I am eating approx. 1200 a day. I might not look it but due to my height I am considered obese and I needed to do something about it. So I did. It is working so far but that may change because apparently it my responsibility to make sure that my mother eats properly and with the diet most of my weekly budget goes on the food I need for the week. This of course makes me feel guilty and of course that raises my anxiety and depression levels.

 

Now the last one is all for myself and is probably going to be hardest as finding the time and energy to do so will be a challenge of itself. I would be happy enough to blog a little more actually but writing a book is my ultimate goal/dream for myself. Hopefully this will not cause any anxiety or depression but knowing me I will find a way.

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In the last week and a bit I have done two, well let’s say three things that I haven’t done in a while or never done before. The first one was my birthday present from the Eagle last year, which he bitched about buying because of price and the fact that it was something that he was not interested in himself (I half expected him to pull out actually, luckily I had a backup plan) despite that it was my birthday present and something that I wanted. It was also a bit of a bucket list item for me. It being seeing my current favourite band in concert. That band is Florence and the Machine. It was first concert I have seen in a long time and the first outdoor concert I have attended. I loved it, though admittedly they didn’t play enough songs from the first two albums but I understand why they didn’t.

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The next thing I did was groom a dog and I don’t mean just brushing one. I shaved a dog that was not my own. The Eagle and I bought a electric razor to groom our Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Lady, as she absolutely hates the heat and we have been grooming her ourselves for a couple of months now. My mother happened to tell a lady she knows this and asked that we do her dog as well. The Eagle was not comfortable doing it but mum offered up myself with assistance from her to do it. Luckily we did a pretty good job and  the lady was happy with our efforts.

 

The last and final thing I did was go fishing. It is not something that I do often or even enjoy doing, actually I don’t consider myself to have any of what I call fish sense.  The Eagle and I were invited to go by my sister and her sometimes bf and although the Eagle was not super keen I talked him into it as it was something to do and was inexpensive as the sometime bf was bringing the bait and was paying for lunch. All we had to do was bring some fishing rods, which luckily we had. It ended up being alright despite having no fish sense and the unhealthy lunch (KFC).

 

Oh and I also dyed my hair violet.

Song Of The Day

 

P.S bet you thought it was going to be Florence and the Machine!!
 

 

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Badger Sounds

 

I mentioned in my recent review that for BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad that I usually don’t pay much attention to the music when I watch movies or TV, unless of course it is part of the plot of the movie or show is musical in nature. With anime, for some reason, I do pay attention. I don’t know why, maybe it is because the first anime that I really go into as an adult was Cowboy Bebop and music does play a part in it  and that in turn makes me pay attention whenever I watch anime whether it significant to the plot or not.

That is not to say that at time the score or a particular song played in a show does not grab my attention. I remember going to see The Talented Mr Ripley with a friend and though the movie was good it was music that caught my attention more than Jude Law or Matt Damon’s acting. It was the same with Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban though I guess Harry is a little different than Mr Ripley as I am a big fan of the books and had seen the previous two movies. It was just something about the music that caught my attention this time and that hadn’t happened the first two times. Prisoner, by the way, is my favourite out the movies and probably my second favourite book.

Now I have already mentioned that I am already susceptible to music used in anime but I have to make mention of one particular anime that this really stood out to me. It is a movie called Your Name and the music was supplied by a Japanese rock/pop band called Radwimps. This is, in my opinion, an almost perfect movie with the story, animation and music all working together in tandem to make it so. I actually bought the soundtrack to this movie because I enjoyed the music so much and have used three of the songs from it as my Song of the Day (see below).     

Now let move on from soundtracks as at times it is not the score but a song that will jump out at me as it elevates the scene in some way and makes you think or feel. Most recently that happened with me when I saw Deadpool 2. I guess I should give a spoiler warning here but near the end there is a sequence where Deadpool “dies” and is reunited with Vanessa, who had been killed at the beginning of the movie. While this is happening a-ha’s Take On Me is playing though it is an unplugged version of the song. Just the combination of what was happening and the song had me crying. It stuck with me so much so that I woke up with it in my head and I used that version of the song as my Song of the Day.

I found Amos Lee the same way when his song Colors was played during a scene near the end of the romantic comedy Just Like Heaven and to this day I still cry at the end of that movie because of that scene and that song. I have since bought just about all of his albums. Just Like Heaven also made me take more notice of Mark Ruffalo and the world is just so much better with him in it. This of course takes me back to the reason why I am writing this post as he is also the male lead of Begin Again and I have the song Lost Stars in my head for the last week or so. BTW I also own the soundtrack to that movie as well.  

Song Of The Day

The Badger’s Earworm

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We have all had it happen to us as some point in time. You hear a song somewhere or maybe you wake up with in your head and it just sticks and won’t go away. It can get annoying especially if it is a song that you don’t particularly like. I once had Let It Go from Frozen in my head for a solid week and it is not a song that I like all that much, a like even less now.

Well anyway I’m in that position at the moment. For the last three days or so I have had the song Lost Stars by Adam Levine or Keira Knightley, which ever you prefer, from the movie Begin Again in my head. I woke up with it and it won’t leave. It’s rather odd because I have not watched the movie or even heard the song recently. It is also not a song that you hear regularly on the radio, actually I have never heard it on the radio.

It is times like these that I wonder if the world or whatever is trying to tell me something. I recently just finished watching the anime BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad and there are things in that speak to me. There are also some similarities between BECK and the movie Begin Again as they are both about music and finding your path/passion, whether it for the first time (BECK) or finding it again (Begin Again). Maybe it is a little serendipitous that I started watching this show and hearing that song. Maybe I have to find my path or return to it.

Maybe it is just my anxiety talking though. I do have a review tomorrow and I have also felt a little jumpy lately and my headaches and neck pain has also been playing up.

It is has been a while since I gave a wedding update so here goes. I have been forced to change the date due to money though it might end up screwing me over as the celebrant that had lined up for the original date may not be available for the new one and I really wanted this celebrant to marry us. Not just because he was offering his services for free but because I know him and he knows me and I would feel more comfortable being married by someone that I already consider to be a friend.

The new date, however, works well as my eldest niece who is one of the bridesmaids will be 18 which means she will be legal and able to drink.

Song Of The Day

 

 

 

 

 

Badger’s New Day

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I have officially moved over to another department of the company I work for. I am still trying to find my feet to an extent mainly because I have not been given any real direction of what I am supposed to be doing here. I am just doing what I can with what I have been given really. Luckily there are few familiar faces so I am probably not as anxious as I could be considering I do not like change all that much.

On the home front my sister is in hospital (again) and the more that she uses the more gets violent. She assaulted her sometimes partner last week so much so that he needed to go to the hospital. My mother and the Eagle are sort of fighting at the moment and of course that puts me in a difficult position as I can see the point from both sides, ever the fence sitter that I am.

I have sorted out my ceremonial music (yay!!) but am still tinkering with reception music, well the entrance, first dance, cake cutting, last dance/departure that kind of thing. Not sure if am going to have a daddy/daughter mother/son dance as well as the Eagle is not a dancer and I am not sure whether or not I want to dance with my step-father or not. Not even sure I want to walk down the aisle with him. Might do a Meghan Markle and walk on my own or have my mother do it. Was considering my Uncle as he is also my god-father but my mother and the Eagle thought that was a silly idea.

Though I thought I had the ceremony/reception worked out I might not have now. My mother says the reception venue is too far away from where the ceremony is. I have done a google check on this and it is only 23 minutes while both my mother and the Eagle say it is around 40. So I have to find a venue that will do the meal the way that I want it closer. Might have found one too but it is a little more expensive and without alcohol but I still have negotiate that. The whole backyard BBQ may still be on the table though, fingers crossed.

My dress and shoes have been ordered along with a tiara. Was not originally going to have one but I liked Meghan Markle’s so much that I decided to find a cheap one that was in a similar style. Have also changed my mind in regards to the bridal party dresses. I have also ordered the ties for two of the groomsmen but am worried as I have not received them as yet despite ordering them quite a while ago. I have contacted the seller 3 times but have not had a response from them. I paid for them through PayPal and also contacted them also in the hope that I get my money back.

Song Of The Day

Badger Really All Over The Place!!

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If I was all over the place last time around I definitely am now. My anxiety won’t settle and neither will the headaches. Actually the headaches are becoming a pain in the neck, both literally and figuratively. I am also not sleeping the best which is not helping on iota. The heat is also playing its part..

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The Eagle celebrated a milestone birthday over the weekend and it was another thing that I was anxious about as I was not sure that he would like the gift that he was getting from myself and his mother. It is a cruise and since he is not fond of boats I was a little worried that he would reject it outright. He was pretty okay with it as he said that he needs to loosen up and try new things and we will take the necessary medications and such so that we both will not get sea sick.

We also went out to dinner with friends of ours that night which was a nice change. We don’t get out and do things like that all the much and though we keep saying we need to do it more often we never do. I am always the one that ends up making the arrangements anyway as he just leaves it up to me and the others don’t seem to try.

The Eagle is also considering learning to ride a motorbike which means, and he has admitted to it, that he is heading into a midlife crisis. I am not sure how I feel about that yet as I have mixed feelings about it. His sister is a rider and one of couples that we had dinner with are as well and I think that was the reason why he mentioned it.

*****

Well the wedding preparations have fallen through a little as we can no longer hold the reception at my brother’s house as he does not believe that his land is flat enough to do it after speaking to a party planner who was doing a party at a neighbouring property. Whether or not this a true is a whole different kettle of fish as my mother, myself and the Eagle tend to think that my sister-in-law might be stirring up trouble because she does that.

Talking of my sister-in-law I had to make a change to bridal party and added her daughter as a bridesmaid. On New Year’s Eve they came over for a BBQ and I showed her the plans that I had made for the wedding. A couple of days later the Eagle got a message from my brother saying that my his daughter was upset because my junior bridesmaid had said that she was my favourite because she was in the wedding party and the other wasn’t. That didn’t sound like her at all and she said that she never said that.

On Australia Day we had another BBQ, though my sister-in-law was not present because she had to work. I spoke with my niece and asked her about it and she said that it never happened and didn’t know anything about that until a few days later when her dad asked her about it. We tend to think that her mother was bitching to my brother and he misunderstood what she said or she deliberately made up the story. Either way I then asked her if she would like to be and she said that she would. After speaking with my mother and Eagle we came up with a way that she could be a bridesmaid without adding another groomsman.

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I have nailed down the processional and recessional songs now and am trying to nail down where we having the wedding since the original idea fell through. The Eagle is a partial to going to the registry office and though it is cheaper I don’t like it. Maybe it will grow one me though.

I have also decided that the bridesmaids will not have bouquets of flowers but hold lanterns instead. The junior bridesmaid will carry two red roses as she will present them to myself and Eagle when the registry is signed. The flower girl will have a posy.

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Song Of The Day

 

Badger Music

 

I have written about my fandom loves and sporting loves but never really gotten into my musical tastes and my background when it comes to music. I don’t think that there is a person alive that can honestly say that they do not like music of some kind.

I love music, always have. In high school I was in the school band and choir and attended the Sydney School Eisteddfods a couple of times in their choir section. I played the flute and sang a little though admittedly I was not the best of playing the flute mainly cause unlike most women I do have an issue of doing two things at once, that being playing and reading music at the same time. I guess also my anxiety would rear its head even then as I was never very good a singing solo either due to nerves.

I have attended a few concerts though probably not as many as I would like to. My first concert I ever saw I believe was Salt N’ Peppa and that was with my sister and her friend and it was more for my sister than for me even though the concert was in and around my birthday. The next concert was once again for my sister and that was Madonna, the very first time that she came out to Australia. My sister was a huge fan of Madonna back then.

All other concerts that I attended have been here in Brisbane and they are:

  • Coldplay (twice)
  • Dave Matthews Band (twice)
  • Snow Patrol
  • Counting Crows
  • Powderfinger (though not their farewell shows)
  • The Screaming Jets

I had always wanted to see U2 in concert but I have a feeling that I won’t ever go to another concert again due to my anxiety and the fact that I now have an issue with crowds and my bf does too. I would have like to have gone to a music festival but maybe I am a little too old now though maybe if there is a good line-up maybe the Byron Bay Blues and Roots festival might be a good one to attend.

Actually there probably one gig that I would probably try to attend if they ever come to Australia again and I will drag the bf with me if I have to and that is my favourite band at the moment and that is Florence and the Machine. Actually if Florence Welch came on her own and did solo shows I would go in heartbeat. I honestly believe that she is one of the best female singers in the world right now, probably second to Adele. There is just something about her that speaks to me and I have been saying lately that she is my spirit animal/idol. We also share the same birthday, so a fellow Virgo.

I have also gone to attended a few musicals and at one stage I tried to attend one a year with my mother, that is if there was a good show playing. I have seen:

  • The Lion King (twice, once in Las Vegas and once in Brisbane)
  • The Producers (Brisbane)
  • Wicked (Sydney)
  • Chicago (twice Broadway and Brisbane)
  • The Phantom of the Opera (Brisbane)
  • Rock of Ages (Brisbane)
  • Jesus Christ Superstar (Sydney)
  • Buddy (Sydney)
  • Singing in the Rain (Brisbane)

I think I have seen more than that but off the top of my head that is all I can remember. I have though been to a couple of cabaret shows one in Las Vegas while on a Contiki tour and again for a hen’s night a couple of years ago at a restaurant on the Gold Coast called Dracula’s. I have also attended a couple of Cirque Du Soleil shows

Song of the Day