Badger’s Big News

So the bf is no longer the bf any longer he is now the fiancé. Being the un-romantic kind he took me and one of my nieces to a local mall told me I had a budget and to choose a ring. I found one, he bought it and I am now an engaged badger. 


 

So I guess you can say that I have added a little more anxiety to the picture as I know have a wedding to arrange though when that will be I have no idea. If I had the money I would want as soon as possible but money is going to be the problem. I have debt on top of debt at the moment and the fiancé no longer has a job as he quit it due to personality clashes and the stress that the job had been bringing him. He also has no idea what he wants to do next and knowing him as I do he will take his time and be lazy about it too.

 

I guess the other big news is that my sister no longer lives with me. After another stint in hospital she has been released and has got a place of her own or she may be living with people she knows. We are not sure which one as she hasn’t really told us anything. She took her dog and then returned him and says that she is going to collect her stuff. She has also broken into the house twice.

 

My mother is no longer speaking to my youngest brother due to his wife in one of her fights where her opponent has no idea that they are fighting. Though admittedly he is not making an effort to talk to her so maybe he is more aware than we know. He usually calls her once a week and hasn’t since the dispute occurred. She though does have a good reason for her anger at my brother and sister-in-law.

 

State of Origin starts tonight and for the first time in a long time it seems that I will have to watch the match. I really don’t want to watch as I was going to start my yearly watch of Cowboy Bebop tonight but the fiancé is coming over to watch the match as he is unable to as he can’t get a signal where he is at the moment. He really needs to move in and with my sister gone he can though I guess with him being unemployed….

 

 Song Of The Day

 

Unsettled Badger

 

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So my anxiety has flared up again in a big bad way over the last week or so.

Maybe it is the weather, it has been cold even for winter in Queensland, which is usually mild.

Maybe my luck wore out and the medication is no longer working.

Maybe it is change, and this is the one I am leaning towards.

I have moved positions at work. I am still pretty much doing the same job with a few extras thrown in but I have physically moved desks and maybe it is that change that has unsettled me. I am answering and working with different people now and maybe I got a little complacent where I was. I am happy about one thing about it though. There was one person in the team I used to work for that was really starting to get on my nerves, actually he gets on everyone in the teams nerves, and I could feel a blow up coming and I am glad I won’t be around to see it or participate in it. I don’t like confrontation after all.

I woke up this morning with another panic attack and of course this had unsettled me even more today. I just can’t seem to calm down and my mind is constantly buzzing and I am twitchy. I joked with my step father a couple of weeks ago that the medication helps me from jumping out the window of my building and today the medication isn’t working and kind of feel that way, I am not suicidal or anything it is just the twitchiness.

Yesterday was my sister-in-law’s 40th birthday and she was not looking forward to it. Mine is next month and I said that I didn’t care but maybe I do care a bit more than I say I do. I just feel that I should be somewhere else in my life instead of where I am but I think there are a lot of people that are that way. I am not going to blame anyone else for the choices that I made however and I going to keep on being the young almost 40 year old that I am.

We are throwing a high tea for her on Saturday afternoon which I have a lot of baking to do for it. I am going to try to make it as gluten-free as possible for her as she tries to eat that way anyway despite not being celiac or gluten intolerant though her son, my nephew, is.

I am still on my DC binge though it exclusively Batman: The Animated Series, I am almost finished season 2. I have finished reading all of Lev Grossman’s Magician books and am now onto Ransom Riggs Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. Queensland won the State of Origin two games to one.

Song of the Day  

Traumatic Badger

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I have already spoken about my accident in another post and I got another doctor’s opinion in regards to it and his diagnosis was the same as my regular doc so pretty much I have to live with having a constant headache and accompanying neck pain. He did though recommend that I get my thyroid checked and have a sleep test done because I am also constantly tired though I sleeping well. He also suggested that I suffered from or am still suffering from PTSD due to the accident.

I never once thought this but now that he outlined it is probably correct. I still get nervous when a car I am in and I am a front seat passenger speeds up or when they go through a yellow light, especially when they had time to stop. I don’t like having trucks or bigger cars close beside me either. None of these were a contribution to my accident but my anxiety levels rise in these occasions.

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It is that time of year again, it is State of Origin time and as I mentioned in a previous post I no longer watch the spectacle that is Mate vs Mate, State vs State. I used to love it look forward to it and my stop watching it has nothing to do with the fact that the team that I go for, The NSW Blues, have only won the series once in the last 10 years. My not watching any longer has to with an ex-boyfriend and one of the best players for the Queensland Maroons, Jonathan Thurston.  

Straight off the bat my ex was a drinker with a temper and was extremely jealous. There was nothing he liked better than starting a fight and he openly boasted about the fights that he had been in. His drink of choice was rum and rum and a temper and jealousy do no mix well at all. I had gone over to his house to watch the game which is on a Wednesday night and was naturally going to stay the night there as he lived on the other side of town. His roommate, his girlfriend and another friend were also there.

My ex spent most of the game in the backyard drinking with the friend and his roommate, the girlfriend and I watched the game. They would pop in every now and again to check the score or when something exciting happened. Every time he would pop in he would take pot shots at Jonathan Thurston because he was getting a lot of attention in the media at the time, and he still is to a certain extent, mainly because he is a great player and is pretty consistent. He had not watched the game and I was getting annoyed with him because of the remarks he was making so despite going for the opposition I defended him.

Stupid, Stupid Badger

My defence of this Queenslander and the fact that I had seen him at the airport once when I had gone to Sydney for a Harry Potter release party and had mentioned it to him when I got off the plane had my ex putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 1000. He claimed that I was in love with him. I was of course not, I was actually not in the least attracted to him in any shape or form and I think at the time said he looked like a monkey (I did not mean that in a racist manner at all).

He kept taking his pot shots at me and Jonathan Thurston and I kept on defending him with some assistance from the roommate and the gf. When the game finished, the Blues won btw, I went to bed. The ex followed and continued to take pot shots and called me a liar. I got angrier and angrier and threatened to punch him, he goaded me and I did end up punching him in the face. Unfortunately I had a silver with blue topaz ring on which had sharp corners, when I connected the ring scratched him and he got angrier and started beating my head against the headboard.

It was too late to go home that night and he took me to the bus stop the next morning for work and as I had training that day and I promised him that I would go over to his place the next day which was Friday for the weekend. I was a wreck and on Friday morning he kept calling me and calling me and eventually a colleague of my took me aside into one of the conference rooms. I told her what happened and she called in the boss they took photos of the bruises with my phone and sent me home. I broke my promise, which he didn’t like cause I don’t like breaking promises and he knew that, I considered my situation and how our relationship had been. Hell, even his sister-in-law had offered to assist in getting me away from him at once stage. On Monday I called him and broke it off. I did not ever want to put myself in the that position again over something as stupid as a football player.

 

So I know how a new tradition at Origin time I watch anime and not just any anime my favourite anime of all time.   Cowboy Bebop

 

 

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Song of the Day

 

Sporty Badger

It is a public holiday here today where I live. Over the weekend two of our football codes had their grand finals which I guess is comparable to a Super Bowl. We play four different codes of football here in Australia three of them, Rugby League, Rugby Union and Australian Rules are played in winter and last, Soccer, is played in Summer.

I mentioned in an earlier post that when I was younger I followed sport more closely that I do now. The sport that loved and watched regularly was Rugby League. Don’t get me wrong I still love the sport and will watch it if it is on but I will not go out of my way to watch it any more. I had a bad experience after a State of Origin match with an ex of mine and that has turned me a bit off it all especially State of Origin.

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State of Origin is a series of three games played in the middle of the season where the best player are chosen from either New South Wales or Queensland and play against each. The best two out three win the series for that year. Queensland won this year and won 9 out of the last 10 series. I unfortunately go for New South Wales.

My team in the regular competition is the Penrith Panthers and they due to injury issues did not make the final series this year though our under 20’s did and won so congratulations to them. I have been following the Panthers since I was 13 years old and my interest in the team due to the fact that I had a crush on one of the players. He ended up leaving the panthers and going to another club but I stuck with the panthers anyway.

The team that did win this year were the North Queensland Cowboys which is great, they played the Brisbane Broncos, which made it an all Queensland Final. They only won by one point in extra time but a win is a win and this is greatest win of them all. It is their first premiership and only second time they have made the Grand Final. I am really happy that they won especially for Jonathon Thurston who is their best player. He is pretty much the best player playing the game right now and a really nice guy. Oddly enough he was also the reason why I had that bad experience with the ex but I will go into that another time I think.

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The other grand final was the Australia Football final which was between the Hawthorn Hawks and that West Coast Eagles. I am not really big into AFL football and I really don’t have a team but I guess if I did it would be Collingwood Magpies because a lot of my family goes for it and so does my boyfriend. The Hawks won for the third year in a row but then in my opinion the AFL competition isn’t as even as the NRL is. You are more likely to get more multiple premiership wins in a row in the AFL than the NRL. Only a couple of team in the NRL have a chance of not winning the premiership while in the AFL only a couple of teams have a chance of winning.

Song of the Day