World Building Badger

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So all those goals that had set for myself at the beginning of the year have fallen to the wayside. I am no longer getting married this year due to cost. The diet is on hold due to the wedding being off, the cost and also the fact that is winter and it is so much easier to lose weight when it is warmer. That leaves my last goal…To write more.

Work pressures and my health both physically and mentally are partially playing havoc with this but I am still thinking about it and trying to get stuff down. I am not role-playing at the moment but that is mainly because the site I was playing on has slowed down so I am trying to get the ideas that I have been toying with down and working on ways that they can fit together.

There is a problem, however, and that it that I have the characters but not the world itself. I guess when you come from a role playing background you are given the world and it is the character you are playing that you work into the world. I am in reverse at the moment and there is just so much to think about. Is it based on earth as an alternate reality or dystopian future, or a totally new world?

I then start to try to work the ideas I into the above choices and though I think it might be easier to work with a world based on earth the characters and their traits seem to work better with a made up world. The thought of creating a world from scratch terrifies me. Then, me being me, I start making things more complicated by adding elements that I think make it more interesting but in fact makes it more confusing. Then I wonder which audience I am aiming this at a YA or adult. I then worry about plagiarism and I haven’t even started writing yet.

As you can see I am letting my anxiety get the best of me.

Song Of The Day

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Goal Setting Badger

 

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This is probably going to be a bit of update/catch all kind of post as there are a few things that I have on my mind or need to get off my chest as apart from my psychologist I have no other outlet that will listen and won’t make me feel bad for my thoughts and/or feelings.

 

First off

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Now that is out of the way on we go. I called this post Goal Setting Badger because I kind of set some goals for myself this year and actually wrote them down. I don’t usually like to set goals for myself as I never keep them but in the diary that I bought for the year there was a section for goal setting so thought that I would put a couple down. They are:

  • Get Married
  • Lose Weight
  • Write More/Start Writing Book

 

Now the first one has been on the cards for a while though if the Eagle doesn’t start helping out more it might not go ahead as money and the fact that most of my family doesn’t think I should marry him anyway and tells me so, my mother on a daily basis, which raises my anxiety and depression levels. He is also not helping himself with his moods and general attitude.

 

The second one is for myself and a little for wedding and I have already begun. I have been exercising since the beginning of the year and I have adjusted my diet so that I am eating approx. 1200 a day. I might not look it but due to my height I am considered obese and I needed to do something about it. So I did. It is working so far but that may change because apparently it my responsibility to make sure that my mother eats properly and with the diet most of my weekly budget goes on the food I need for the week. This of course makes me feel guilty and of course that raises my anxiety and depression levels.

 

Now the last one is all for myself and is probably going to be hardest as finding the time and energy to do so will be a challenge of itself. I would be happy enough to blog a little more actually but writing a book is my ultimate goal/dream for myself. Hopefully this will not cause any anxiety or depression but knowing me I will find a way.

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In the last week and a bit I have done two, well let’s say three things that I haven’t done in a while or never done before. The first one was my birthday present from the Eagle last year, which he bitched about buying because of price and the fact that it was something that he was not interested in himself (I half expected him to pull out actually, luckily I had a backup plan) despite that it was my birthday present and something that I wanted. It was also a bit of a bucket list item for me. It being seeing my current favourite band in concert. That band is Florence and the Machine. It was first concert I have seen in a long time and the first outdoor concert I have attended. I loved it, though admittedly they didn’t play enough songs from the first two albums but I understand why they didn’t.

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The next thing I did was groom a dog and I don’t mean just brushing one. I shaved a dog that was not my own. The Eagle and I bought a electric razor to groom our Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Lady, as she absolutely hates the heat and we have been grooming her ourselves for a couple of months now. My mother happened to tell a lady she knows this and asked that we do her dog as well. The Eagle was not comfortable doing it but mum offered up myself with assistance from her to do it. Luckily we did a pretty good job and  the lady was happy with our efforts.

 

The last and final thing I did was go fishing. It is not something that I do often or even enjoy doing, actually I don’t consider myself to have any of what I call fish sense.  The Eagle and I were invited to go by my sister and her sometimes bf and although the Eagle was not super keen I talked him into it as it was something to do and was inexpensive as the sometime bf was bringing the bait and was paying for lunch. All we had to do was bring some fishing rods, which luckily we had. It ended up being alright despite having no fish sense and the unhealthy lunch (KFC).

 

Oh and I also dyed my hair violet.

Song Of The Day

 

P.S bet you thought it was going to be Florence and the Machine!!
 

 

Intimidated Badger

 

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Happy New Year everyone and I hope everyone had  a great holiday season. I am sorry that I have not posted anything recently and I would like to say to that I have just been really busy but to be honest and I do try to  be as honest as possible, I mean that is one of the qualities us badgers are known for, but I have been a little lazy and also I have been having issues with inspiration.

 

My creative side has kind of dried up of late and I am also having trouble focusing on what I am supposed to be focusing on and even on stuff that I want to be doing like writing in general. I am blaming the heat partially because I, like my Huffflepup, don’t like the sun and it don’t like me. I will also blame my anxiety issues because well that will probably play a factor cause it does make me distracted to a point.

 

Last but not least is the fact that as I have mentioned I am doing some studying at the moment and the last subject that I did we had to do a role play in which we had to act out a meeting we arranged and then do the minutes for and have it recorded and added as part of our assessment. Now with my anxiety issues and my issues with nervousness and public speaking I found this incredibly intimidating and nerve racking and it drained me. We then went into the next topic which also I find intimidating so much so that I have not even started doing it (I should be doing it now) and it is due next week.

 

The subject it Project Management and I actually have an interest in project work though admittedly managing a project has no interest to me what so ever. I like the idea of working on a team with a particular goal in mind and being there from start to finish but actually managing other people and giving instructions just intimidates me.

 

Song of the Day